The other day I pointed out that I think the world is a better place without Michael Jackson in it. I also know people who will (and probably do, given a reading of my blog) disagree with me about that. To me, I am not concerned with the musical talent or entertainment talent Mr. Jackson possessed; but rather, I am concerned about the safety risk he was and is to young boys. Just because his money and influence have kept out of jail and away from a conviction does not mean he is innocent. Sadly, I think the victims who were silenced should begin to speak out now because of him.

Farrah Fawcett also died this week. I have no opinion in any direction as to her demise. Given that she was suffering from a rather embarrasing form of cancer (who wants anal cancer? I mean, come on, if you’re going to have cancer might as well pick one of the cool ones . . . not that any form of cancer is actually cool). The reality of having cancer is, more often than not – and regardless of the advances in medicine – that the person is going to die. Heck, the reality of life is that we are all going to die, for some death comes earlier than for others.

This morning the world was informed of Billy Mays’s death. He is the pitch man for Oxy Clean and other products. Like many people, I can’t really imagine turning on the television and not seeing his face, sooner or later, on a commercial while I am actually enjoying a television show. Sure, I am as wont as not to change the channel, quickly, when he opens his mouth and begins talking, but still, his is a name and a face I recognize. I am pretty certain that Michael Jackson and Billy Mays, both of whom were about the same age, didn’t start last week thinking that by the end of the week they would (individually) be dead. Neither do I believe that anyone thought that a rash of celebrity deaths would hit the news stands this week.

The truth of the matter is that even though I have this list in my head of people I think should be dead and aren’t, I guess as a member of the human race I also have the capacity to be surprised by the passing on of someone who should still be alive and for whatever reason isn’t anymore. I am probably just as shocked as everyone else at the people who died this week. I think one difference, at least for me, is that I am not looking at this as some cosmic scheme or reason to reconsider what I am doing in my life.

Instead, I move forward with the expectation that the majority of people in the world will remain alive, that those who died are quickly replaced by those who are born, and that when a death occurs that directly affects me I will properly and appropriately mourn the life of someone I cared about and who I will not be able to interact with again.

Real Heroes Fly ]]> http://www.johnhattaway.com/2009/06/life-and-death/feed/ 0 http://www.johnhattaway.com/2009/04/thoughts-and-ponderings/ http://www.johnhattaway.com/2009/04/thoughts-and-ponderings/#comments Tue, 21 Apr 2009 00:57:29 +0000 smokingpen http://www.johnhattaway.com/?p=1842 Well, I finally (last night) listened to (almost) the entirety of the LDS General Conference that was broadcast a couple of weeks ago. I didn’t listen/watch it when it was happening because a) the cable company around here doesn’t carry it; and b) I couldn’t be bothered with my sleep/awake schedule. Well, and c) I didn’t really realize it was happening as my life is kind of all screwy-wampus. Normally, I like to make time for it, sit and watch or listen, and try to be in the right frame of mind.

And with that, I think I hit on the point of my life: frame of mind.

I hate to admit this, but I have been struggling rather a lot lately with the idea of religion and God and even my own personal faith. My struggle isn’t in whether or not religion is good or bad, the answer is good, in case you were wondering; or even if there is or isn’t a God, again, my answer is there is. But rather what does my faith and belief require in respect to both. I know that over time, and especially in the past couple of years, I’ve come to realize that the way in which we live religion (in general) in the United States is so Puritan based that I am surprised at the disparate religions that claim everyone else is going to hell as a result of their individual beliefs or practices. Yes, I think there are some off-shoots sects of different religions that are so off the beaten path and, in general, those who lead those sects are going to hell; but for the most part, I disagree with the idea that we are all so different as to be insurmountably on opposite ends of anything.

Maybe that is a little bit of a tangent. I guess one of the core questions I’ve been dealing with is: How would this religion be practiced if it weren’t for the Puritan influence? This question can actually be extended to the United States as a whole and how our form of government would be practiced if it wasn’t for the founding father’s and their faith in a higher Christian-based being.

Part of my struggle comes from having removed myself from the full-time workforce for three years, taking the odd freelance job, and going to school and working at different things. As much as I would like to think that having a degree means a whole lot, and there was a time when the combination of degree and experience regardless of order would’ve gotten me hired almost immediately regardless of where I was at, it appears to mean a whole lot less. For the first time in my work-search history, I am not even getting nibbles back as I apply to different places. The result is a job that makes me seriously underemployed and causes me, almost nightly, to wonder what it is I am doing. I had a friend, when asked what I was doing with my time, that I told where I was working who said, “A lot of people wouldn’t do that,” and then said, “You are doing what you need to be doing.” The context of those comments are that I am doing what I can to take care of my wife and child and as a result of both of those things, we are moving forward.

In the process of all of that, I am also pursuing a Master’s of Fine Arts in Writing. Yes, I was accepted and except for waiting for the official letter to get to me that is in turn waiting for letters of recommendation and transcripts from various places and people, I am a little anxious to get started down that road. I discovered, since I graduated and got my degree, that I miss being in school. I miss that environment. Though my current program is low-residency, I am still excited for the interaction with other students trying to improve and accomplish their goals.

And yet, it is the whole goal thing that (sort of) puts me in the situation I am in now. At one point, Erin and I thought we would move, get a job with a defense contractor, work and go to school, and in a few years see where all of that took us. We were thinking that our lives were ready to being (though, the notion that they were ever stopped is somewhat odd) and that we would find success. What we found was that people who claimed they would interview me didn’t, companies and organizations that were supposed to hire me didn’t, and as a result, when things started to get really bleak, I ended up punting and taking a job somewhere I never thought I’d work.

My life is flipped upside down. There is no other way to say that. Having a bachelors degree should, in theory, do something for me. It’s nice to tell people I have one. This makes me a part of a club that, honestly, only a very small percentage of the population is a member of. Being a part of that club doesn’t make me (or anyone else for that matter) a better candidate for a position. What’s more, I am willing to pay for my move to wherever I need to go and even though there are places I would prefer not to move, I am open to moving anywhere in the United States that will give me a job and allow me to have the right kind of time with my wife and child.

Last night, as I was listening to General Conference, I discovered that there are people who have had it worse off than me. I’ve even had it worse off than me. Weird. I am sure. But it is true. I have had experiences that have been worse than what I am in now. At least I was able to get a job this go round. At least that job is helping to pay for things. At least I am accepted into a new graduate program. At least I don’t have to stay awake at night wondering when the reaper is going to come and take everything else away. The last time I experienced this flavor of life I lost everything. I thought that was what I needed to learn. I thought the lack of materialism was enough to allow me to advance and not need this kind of an experience again. I thought that finally listening and getting a degree was what would put me past the previous incarnation of this situation and allow me to advance in my life.

I guess I thought a lot of things.

This time is different, in part, because I have a wife and a child. I didn’t have those before. I didn’t know the infinite capacity of love that comes with marriage and a family. I didn’t know that we would end up needing and wanting to do a lot more things in life, in general, to make sure the family progressed in a way that was both good and uplifitng and sometimes embarassing. Yet, that is exactly what is happening. I have discovered the changes in me as a result of the necessary changes in my life and in Erin’s life and in CAMPER’s life and how they all mesh together.

I am still looking for jobs all over the place. Though, more recently, I am thinking that maybe I should be focussing (again) in areas that allow me to advance toward my goals. I want to write. I want to write fiction. There is no secret to that. I have a few reasons to believe that I might have some talent in that whole fiction writing things. I also want to work in academia. Both Erin and I know that will take some time and effort on both our parts to ensure that happens. On the positive side, having an MFA-Writing and being published qualifies me to teach at the college level. The MFA-Writing qualifies me to teach at the college level. That is the next step, after the degree.

Stepping back some, I discovered that people don’t always share similar beliefs. Just because we all share a similar religion doesn’t mean we all share similar beliefs. Nor does it mean that the religion is enough to bind a group of people together. As many times as I have moved in my life, and as many times as I’ve changed congregations within the religion I belong to, I’ve never experienced a problem so disparately awkward as this one. Frequently, I end up in church where the possibility of someone saying something so completely off the wall is so real that I wonder how I am going to make it through church without overtly and intentionally offending people. Working nights doesn’t help with the filter. But to find out that when the prophet speaks, and if it doesn’t directly affect one’s job – even theoretically, then it is okay to believe and speak out for what the prophet has said. Case-in-point: gay marriage. Even before the Church came out against I was opposed to it. Why? Because I don’t b believe a group of people have the right to dictate or determine universal ethical considerations or what constitutes Civil Rights or for that matter what constitutes Constitutional Rights. More, I think that our laws need to reflect the changes in the times to also reflect that the courts cannot change them only guide how they should be written. The interpretation of a law is not the right to dictate what the law is meant to do. As a result of this and more, from a political perspective, I have my own opinions.

What catches me off guard, frequently, is that we are expected to stand up for our testimonies and for what we believe in. We are required to place our jobs and our lives on the line. We are required to allow those creature comforts we all cherish to go away when God requires it of us – especially once the individual has gone through the Temple. But that is not the concensus of the group after a discussion on persecution.

No one wants to be persecuted. I don’t. My family doesn’t. I am pretty certain that early members of the LDS faith would’ve been just as happy to have avoided the persecution. No one wants to walk into the fire to get burned, and yet, when you live up to whatever standards are important to you, sooner or later you are going to walk into the fire and you are going to get burned.

One of the issues with faith and religion I’ve had, recently, is that a lot of people aren’t willing to walk into the fire, let alone near it. They are not really wanting to live their religion and by extension, I guess this is in part true of me. I am willing to stand between someone, anyone, and a man with a loaded gun; I will push people out of the way of an oncoming vehicle, I will defend my life or family from a lot of things, and yet, when it comes to the day to day requriements of religious living, I may be like everyone else. I don’t want to go to activities, I like the idea of going to church on Sunday, but never bother to remember there was a General Conference, I am happy to be a part of a quorum, but don’t really want to be bothered to drive an hour in each direction for a much larger general priesthood meeting… you get the idea. I like being a part of the religion, I also don’t want to be a part of every aspect of the religion.

I am not saying this is good or bad. Everyone has to live their faith the way they deem best. I do  that. I would hope that my parents and parents-in-law and my wife and even my child (someday) will do it. I hope that they reflect on what is important to them and move forward.

I think, one of the issues for me came as a result of my personal wrestle with what i want to do and what the church may require of me. If I am to be worthy to serve in any capacity I am asked, then I have to have me public persona reflect what my private religious persona requires. The outcome was that I decided that my priorities (in no particular ored) are writing and family and then church. Fiction is such an important aspect of my life that it becomes a priority. What I want to write becomes a higher priority than, say, where I might be called to serve. If the two can marry each other, someday, then I am happy with that; however, I had to decide that what I want and need to write, the subjects I want and need to explore, had to be important to me or I had to give up on them. If what I had practiced and prepared for almost my entire life was to be worth it, I had to allow it to be worth it to me. I had to trust that I wasn’t focused in the wrong area or for the wrong reason.

I am not saying God is not important. I am saying that, like an author I follow, recently said, “My priorities are writing and family.” For him, nothing else matters. That is, somehow, where I land.

Since family is important working is important and religion is important. I believe it is imperative to believe in and trust in a supreme deity. I believe faith in God is tantamount to successful living and that faith in God not only explains but informs creation and science and literature and existence. Believe or don’t believe. Just be who or what you are going to be.

I am not sure, in listening to conference or writing this, that I have changed where I am or what I am doing or where my focus is going to be. I want to be able to serve and at the same time I don’t believe I am going to be asked to serve. One of the speakers (Saturday Afternoon most likely) gave examples of what happens when people start to fail and have failed or broken expectations. The outcome is that the expecatation becomes less and the failure becomes deeper until the individual suffers from depression or a lack of religious belief. I know that depression has been an issue. I know that my faith and belief have been affected. I know that my experience in Utah during the last couple of years was bad news as I kept asking for the chance to serve and being told that they knew I needed it and not being given the chance or opportunity.

Life is what we make of it. My expectations are what they are. I expect to be published. I have some desires and goals in that area. I won’t share those. I also expect to go with my wife to the temple. To someday see my boy go through the temple. I expect to serve where I can and, today and tomorrow, have no expectations that I will ever be asked to be more than a Primary teacher with my wife.

I hope for a job that is conducive to let me go to school; and I hope for a job in academia. Recently, I applied to be an admissions councilor. I think I should buy a book that lists all the universities and colleges in the United States and apply to anything I am qualified for at every single one of them.

Being smart and talented and experienced doesn’t mean I am going to be employed. And knowing how to fix a problem doesn’t mean anyone is going to ask me to or even listen when I open my mouth.

No, I think much of what existed yesterday still exists today. I also think that I have a little more hope and a bit more faith in the process and I continue to pray that I will find something somewhere soon that gets Erin and me out of the situation we are in now.

Enough rambling. On to other things.

Real Heroes Fly ]]> http://www.johnhattaway.com/2009/04/thoughts-and-ponderings/feed/ 0 http://www.johnhattaway.com/2009/03/off-the-chest/ http://www.johnhattaway.com/2009/03/off-the-chest/#comments Wed, 04 Mar 2009 18:59:47 +0000 smokingpen http://www.johnhattaway.com/?p=1764 I am not certain what is going on in my life. I talk to Erin and she wants to know what is happening. All I can say is, “I don’t know and I don’t know how to fix it.” When I speak to my mother she asks if everything is all right and I tell her that I don’t feel well. Both answers are very true. I am not sure what to say or to whom or how to go about fixing whatever has me. This is not to say that I have a serious problem or am depressed or need to see someone, but that things are probably not progressing in the way or fashion I would have liked them too.

I should’ve guessed this was going to be the case. Especially after asking my dad for a father’s blessing and having a portion of it state that what we wanted to accomplish probably wouldn’t happen in the way we wanted to accomplish it.

You see, when Erin and I decided to move east part of the decision came from a couple of good places. First, jobs outside of Utah pay more and individuals have a better opportunity to advance than inside of Utah. If, at some point in the unforeseeable future, we decided to move back to Utah, having professional and educational experience outside of the state puts us in a better situation than living there and trying to advance. Other than starting my own company and building it while trying to make ends meet in the Great Basin, we felt that leaving was the best chance for us to succeed. Period.

Second, we thought that one of the companies I’d applied to (and maybe one of the universities that was actively talking to me about a job) would come through. Sure, we’ve only been out east for about three months, but when you have an infant who needs to eat, and you need to eat, and on top of all that you need to live some semblance of a life and, regardless of what some people believe or promote, looking for work costs money, with all of that the money has slowly dwindled and we had to sell one of the two cars. Regardless, we thought we’d get an interview or find something else relatively quickly and even though I was aware of the changing economic status of the country, also felt that having a bachelor’s degree, one of the many gatekeepers to getting a job at the level I want and need to be working, would subsume some of the hassle to finding work, getting an interview, or even (for that matter) have anyone indicate you might be qualified. What I’ve learned is it has not.

As a result of these considerations, I have taken a job at a local store doing overnight stocking. What makes that difficult (for me) isn’t that I took the job, but that I had to take the job and that the company doing the hiring had no desire to actually find out my background. In essence, by omission, I lied to get the job.

Don’t get me wrong, I am insanely grateful for any job. I am grateful for a place to live. I am grateful for a lot of things and there is not getting around that.

At the same time, this process has thrown me into a position of having to decide what I believe or what I think or even what value spending three years of my life going to school full-time has had for me. I know the answers to the question, in case anyone wanted to offer what would result in unsolicited advice or whatever.

What gets me in the process is that Erin will start to feel I am pulling away from her and feeling as though the weight of our world sits squarely on my shoulders. And, once again, that will not help the whole internal process I go through to get any better or easier.

I don’t know how better to express this than, at the moment, and regardless of what is currently happening in the background that I (probably) shouldn’t talk about, so I won’t, I feel a lot of the time like I have failed. I didn’t even know I was doing something I could fail at. Which, I think, is harder on me than doing something I could or would or did know might result in failure.

None of this is meant to elicit a response from anyone. So, please don’t. It is more of a cathartic approach to what is happening inside of me.

Real Heroes Fly ]]> http://www.johnhattaway.com/2009/03/off-the-chest/feed/ 0 http://www.johnhattaway.com/2009/01/searching-for-that-job/ http://www.johnhattaway.com/2009/01/searching-for-that-job/#comments Thu, 15 Jan 2009 23:10:02 +0000 smokingpen http://www.johnhattaway.com/?p=1651 I think it is time to come clean about the job search. The cleanliness of the situation is not that I am searching or have (or haven’t) been for more than six months, but that I am still unemployed and frustrated by it. Why? Well, I went back to school in order to make myself more marketable and to get away from the old methods of finding work and the outcome is that I am not employed as yet and the market stinks (which is what it was doing the last time I was out of work like this) and I am finding it difficult to find work. Fortunately, we are living with Erin’s parents, but I would rather be doing something rather than doing nothing.

Nothing stinks. Though, admittedly, I did pull out Dramatica Pro the other day and decided to use it to outline a parody piece I am working on. More news to come from that later. I realized (earlier today) that I probably needed to read through In the Light of Water and make notes as to what I would like it to be in its next iteration. Though, making myself do that may be harder than one would expect as the play was written for a class and even though I like the idea of the play and would love to see it (in a much later draft) produced somewhere, the outcome is that I have other priorities (at the moment Malcolm Gladwell’s book Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking that followed reading Ally Carter’s I’d Tell You I Love You, But Then I’d Have to Kill You and precedes (me thinks) Lauren Mclaughlin’s Cycler which precedes Rudyard Kipling’s The Jungle Books) which include some extra-curricular writing and looking for a job (which is the purpose of the venting this post is meant to do).

Sometimes I wonder what I did and when that puts me in a situation like this: unemployed. I discovered, again, Monster.com and Dice.com and was introduced to indeed.com where I can do a rather broad employment search based on area and key words. I’ve signed up for recruiting webpages, and for defense contractors, and for companies and for temp agencies, and for a whole host of other possibilities. As stated, I went to the temple and (in part) turned over aspects of this job search to God. Though, my beliefs indicate I still have to do everything I can in order to make ends come together. As a result of that, I ended up going to an “interview” today that consisted of my filling out a lot of paperwork and then being asked, based off of my degree and credentials, whether or not I wanted my resume submitted to a specific company for a three to six month assignment. At the same time, I also got a call this morning requesting my resume to be submitted to a company in south-eastern Massachusetts for a job with a VERY well known company. This means I am getting word back from companies and recruiters and etc. and as a result the hunt isn’t entirely fruitless just difficult.

Who knows, tomorrow is a new day and I may be in a new situation. And, I found a job the other night that I applied for that I really want and have decided I should get and hope (and am also praying) that I am seriously considered to the point of interviewed for the position. Until then, or another company comes along to sweep me off my feet and into the full-time work force, those three to six month assignments will have to do.

Real Heroes Fly ]]> http://www.johnhattaway.com/2009/01/searching-for-that-job/feed/ 0 http://www.johnhattaway.com/2009/01/the-previous-friday/ http://www.johnhattaway.com/2009/01/the-previous-friday/#comments Tue, 13 Jan 2009 01:11:02 +0000 smokingpen http://www.johnhattaway.com/?p=1645 Last week I felt the need to go to the temple. For those who are not LDS, the temple is a place where we, as active and worthy members of the LDS faith can go and get outside of the influence of the world. Because we believe in life after death, the work that is done inside of the temple is primarily done for people who cannot perform the work for themselves. As a result, being in the temple means that we are doing work for the dead on top of getting outside the influence of popular media, screaming people, or whatever. In short, the temple is a place to go where we can meditate and feel closer to God.

With that said, I was encouraged by religious leaders and parents to take the time out of my life (especially before leaving Utah where the number of temples to total population is really high) and attend the temple. I, however, did not go for a variety of reasons mostly new baby and school related. My focus was principally on getting done with school and because of an accident that caused me to visit the emergency room on a Sunday night and then lay around at home taking narcotics for pain. Admittedly, some days I still feel bad in the back, but on the other hand I finished college and failed an important test.

The outcome of all that is that by last week I really felt the need to go to the Temple. However, the Boston Temple is closed for its semi-annual cleaning. Boston is something like two and a half or three hours in one direction, while Manhattan is three and a half or so hours in the other direction. Since Boston is closer, one would prefer to go to Boston. On the other hand, I like Manhattan. And since I both wanted and (felt I) needed to go to the temple, after discussing it with Erin we decided I should go down last Friday.

As a result, I looked up online and spoke to Erin’s family and made a plan about going down. Friday morning I woke up and drive to Wassaic station. That is about one-and-a-half hours from here. The train ride is approximately two hours long depending on what time of day and transfers. And that is just to Grand Central Station. I like Grand Central Station. Sure, you look up in the main lobby at the ceiling and the star scape is all backwards. The central clock was made by Tiffany’s, though I am don’t recall exactly what it is made of, though Mother of Pearl seems to rise to the surface. On top of which, there are more than 100 terminals for trains to come in. With all of that said, and given the prominence, I am always surprised that I can ride into Grand Central and not have a whole host of Homeland Security people milling about. The last time I was there was in 2005 when Jordan and I were driving back across the country and we stopped for him to experience West Point (too many swords) and then take a train down into Manhattan. In this case, he didn’t have any idea of what he wanted to be doing and as a result we road down in, walked around the city, went up into The Empire State Building, and then hung out in Grand Central Station while we waited for our train to take us back to the station where my car (the now deceased ‘91 Honda Accord) was parked. Eventually Jordan went back with Jared and the two had a good time, which just proves that I am a bad traveling companion for most people because what interests me holds very little interest for my siblings (these days). Jared and Jordan also did some road trips and went to a convention (Jared and I did that and now Jared refuses to go to Canada). All of this equals me no longer being a road trip buddy and, honestly, not having a road trip buddy to ride with… with the possible exception of Erin who doesn’t like long road trips.

Anyway, the trip down was nice. The drive was nice. I saw some properties that, given a different set of circumstances, I would be interested in looking at. None of them were for sell, but, you know, barns are very interesting to me. The outcome of the drive was arriving just on-time to the train station and then buying a ticket with just enough time to actually get on the train and spend an extra hour on it while it made its way into Manhattan. Apparently, there was a fire in one of the subway tunnels that were affecting traffic into the city. As a result of that, the train ended up picking up more passengers and since I didn’t know what the schedule of the temple is/was I wasn’t worried about it.

I was specifically going with the need for a new job on mind. When I got to Grand Central Station I made my way to the shuttle and then jumped on the wrong train heading in the wrong direction. More specifically, I had to spend extra money and spend about twenty more minutes waiting for a train to get to where I needed to be. And then, when I finally got to the Manhattan Temple, everyone kept asking me if I planned to be in a specific session and I said, “Sure, but if I miss it I am patient,” only to then have a little old lady tell me they did sessions every two hours and not 30 minutes or so (as other temples do). So, I had to hurry to get into the one session, which was interesting as I had to rush to get dressed and forgot that temple clothing sizes are very different from what I normally wear and since I had no time had to fit my no longer that small waist into something it didn’t fit in to.

After that session I dressed, spoke (momentarily) to one of the workers (who gave me a tie pin I don’t think I will ever wear because as I don’t enjoy ties and I don’t wear them and when I do I don’t like to put holes in the clothes I do wear and as a result, I appreciate the pin but don’t really know what to do with it. My mother thought I would find a use and at present that use is giving my orange backpack something to do. Unfortunately, it is not much of something, but still… something.

The ride home began with me first stopping into one of the oddest bookstores I’ve been in in a while. It went up a couple of stories and down at least one and I was amazed and thought about buying the Barnes and Noble printing of the second book in a series I need to write about (and review) and didn’t because we don’t have the money and by extension I already know the Barnes and Noble around these parts doesn’t have a copy of that particular printing of the book and so I left. Got on the subway, this time the right train in the right direction, and then jumped the shuttle back from Times Square to Grand Central Station where I noted the next train to was heading back to Wassaic and so I jumped on the train heading north and proceeded to finish the book I’d brought with me that I was reading and then as I was finishing it (and an old lady decided to stop and tell me I’d planned the reading well) I was tired of sitting and tired in general and ended up standing for the rest of the time.

Anyway, by the time I got home I was physically and mentally and emotionally and (dare I add) spiritually spent. The day had literally started with me getting peed on by my son. I almost missed a train. Took the wrong one. And only by grace or providence did I make it to what I was there to do. In the end I wouldn’t trade the day for anything and at the same time I don’t know that I want to continue making trips like that. There was a time when I would leave in the morning, drive for half the day, do next to nothing when I got to where I was going, and then turn around and drive a half-a-day back.

At the same time, I believe I got the direction I went for; though, as things were wrapping up that day and as I crawled in to bed, I didn’t feel very much of anything.

Real Heroes Fly ]]> http://www.johnhattaway.com/2009/01/the-previous-friday/feed/ 2 http://www.johnhattaway.com/2008/12/what-we-dont-know-overtly-religious/ http://www.johnhattaway.com/2008/12/what-we-dont-know-overtly-religious/#comments Fri, 05 Dec 2008 05:11:17 +0000 smokingpen http://www.johnhattaway.com/?p=1578 It occurred to me earlier that we, as a people, don’t know a lot of things. I am of the opinion that the way in which religion is practiced in the United States, more puritan than whatever, is actually a rather odd way to practice religion and when we look at dynamic religious figures, often the way their followers practice is not the same way they practiced. I seem to recall that Joseph Smith, the founder of the LDS faith, indicated that the Saints know so little and yet, as Saints we think we know so much.

There are two reasons why I am thinking about this.

The first reason is that as LDS members we abhor the idea of polygamy. As I thought about this in light of Erin and I watching a TLC show called Forbidden Love: Polygamy and a week later Forbidden Love: Geisha the idea of what these groups do is inherently and puritanically wrong. On top of that, the LDS faith practiced polygamy and as a result, most of the polygamist groups in the United States are sects that are broken away from the main church. Most of them are broken away because Wilford Woodruff stopped the practice and because the LDS church started excommunicating individuals who refused to give up the practice. John Taylor’s (third prophet and president of the LDS church) son (same name) was excommunicated because the church was changing, it stopped the practice of polygamy, and he didn’t want to keep up. He was a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles (second highest governing body in the LDS church). I am not sure that last part matters.

And yet, this is a part of our history. I was speaking to a professor who is writing a book with his wife, or editing a book with is wife (I think it is the latter) about polygamy. This is a Utah thing. It is a western United States thing. It is something that, actually, connects people to the Middle East as polygamy is practiced there (though there are rules governing how many wives a man can have). And yet, when we consider, as a people, polygamy we become sick because of it. People I have known over the years, mostly women, and mostly women who have escaped from the practice, are somehow less in my mind because they practiced something that, as a member of the LDS faith, I have had to defend my beliefs against. Though it does not happen as often, now, I used to get asked how many wives my father had, and I was also asked how many wives I planned to have, and (as recently as four years ago) how many wives I did have. The answer today is one, and that will not change, but back then the answer was none and the only acceptable and proper answer is one.

In watching the TLC show on polygamy what I noted was that one man would have multiple wives. With those wives they would have multiple children. In one case two wives and something like nine children were somehow fit into a single double-wide trailer. What the man said were two things: first, “I would be a polygamist regardless of how I was raised,” which really meant that eventually he would be a philanderer no matter what; and, “We believe that the bed is the wife’s domain,” which I don’t think is completely wrong, but is wrong in the sense that the home and the bed and the family and the responsibilities of all of these things are shared by both husband and wife.

Traditionally, polygamy, when practiced, resulted in the man having multiple homes. John Taylor (again, third president of the LDS church) owned several houses along the same street in Provo, UT (200 north in case you are curious). None of his wives shared a home (at least not for any length of time) and as a result of none of his wives sharing a home, I would imagine that coordination between wives and children and homes and responsibilities were pretty significant to John Taylor as he considered his role not only in the home(s) but also as a provider and a member of the LDS faith and as the leader of the LDS faith.

Just because John Taylor had multiple houses (as did most (though I can’t empirically say all) polygamists) doesn’t mean that is the only way to practice polygamy. Believe it or not, this was not a practice where a man woke up one day and instead of cheating on his wife said, “I think I will begin dating and will marry another woman so that I can have sex with multiple women.” But rather a united front of both the husband and his wife (first) and whether or not they, together, were willing to go into the practice. I believe, and I think time and more information will support this, that if the wife was not willing to enter into this practice then the man was not given the opportunity. A man who dates and marries merely because he is a polygamist and would be whether or not polygamy was legal or accepted (since it is not legal) indicates a man who dominates in the home and whether or not the belief is that the woman’s domain is the bed doesn’t matter. He will take what he wants and when he wants it and the rest is a relationship of fear.

As I watched the show and listened to (it seems like only one man be interviewed) the interviews it occurred to me that one of the reasons this man was doing what he was doing wasn’t out of love or obligation or even because he was a philanderer, but because he wanted to dominate and be in control and as a result he did what he was doing because he could and not because his wives were felt in a position to offer an opinion.

However, as I watched that show what I felt for these people was abhorrence and something that approached hatred. I don’t think I hate them, and I don’t think I hate their practice or their beliefs. I think they are wrong, but who am I to say that the practice is inherently wrong other than to say that I was raised LDS within an environment that was heavily influenced by the Puritan beliefs that helped found this country and as a result polygamy is bad and as an active member of the LDS church I have to dislike the practice and even go so far as to hate it.

I don’t want to live it. I love my wife and, honestly, I feel that even though love as a concept is immutable and eternal and possesses an infinite capacity, I married Erin and I have no desire nor interest in trying to figure out how to give Erin what she wants and needs and someone else what they want and need and to juggle multiple households because even though love has an infinite capacity I have a limited capacity of time and resources and etc. and what I do have belongs to my wife and son, and between them my wife first. In short, I don’t want to live the lifestyle and I don’t believe I could.

What all of that leads to, though, is the Law of Consecration. Early in the LDS faith, Joseph Smith revealed to the Saints that they could live the Law of Consecration. Many years ago, and to the chagrin of a family friend, I connected the practice of consecration with the political philosophy of communism. I was seventeen and there is a connection. More, about four or five years ago I wrote a paper on the similarities of communalism and communism. The communalism manifesto states that all individuals within a community should work toward the goals of the community as a whole and when done properly each member of the community not only dedicates everything they have to the group as a whole, but that this is a completely voluntary practice where an individual can take their earnings or what they technically own and walk away from the group as a whole without fear of repercussions. For the LDS faith, the Law of Consecration states that an individual will work and will donate all of their excess to the church and that the local bishop, as caretaker, will then give back to the individual according to his wants or needs; or the family.

This does not mean that a family or an individual will have everything exactly in common with the other members of a consecration unit, but that the individual or family will always have what they need and want and that those needs and wants will be individually determined rather than determined as a community. The difference from communism is that a communist state tells everyone what is equal and then divies out the equality regardless of the individual need or desire. As a result, I also agree that though connections can be drawn, the outcome is that there is a rather large and insurmountable divide; and that the divide is (quite literally) whether or not the participants have a choice and whether or not individuality is a factor in the final product.

What connects polygamy with this idea and what leads into my second reason is that polygamy as a practice and an active community practicing the Law of Consecration all ended at about the same time. The reason I bring this up is that I believe, and have for a lot of years, that one practice cannot exist without the other. A single man, especially in this day and age, cannot possibly afford to have five wives and twenty five children. As a result, the practice of polygamy, when practiced, is done so as a community and as a result, the community supports the family. The family become members of the working community and investors, if you will, in the monetary life of the group, and as a result, there are polygamist trusts that are worth hundreds and possibly billions of dollars that really do take care of the entire community and ensure that everyone has what they need and in some cases what they want.

In the case of the LDS faith, and outside of covenants, we really don’t practice the Law of Consecration. There is a form of it, and that form is called tithing. Tithing is the paying of ten percent of ones income to the church and is a practice that has biblical origins. As a result of enough people paying tithing, the LDS church can pay for the budgets of each individual ward, can build new chapels, and temples, and support a rather large missionary program as well as other programs. Granted, some of these programs are not supported out of tithing, but the donations are in excess enough that the outcome is that individual people are no longer asked to pay into general local funds to support needed upgrades, building, or worship. In the past they were.

News reports, occasionally, talk about the LDS church’s monetary trust and estimate how much money is in it. I have to tell you, from what I’ve heard, that it is rather large and impressive. And according to President Hinckley, would not be taxed beyond its ability to pay for (in advance) any building projects that were going on. That last bit is important, it doesn’t matter what is built, if the LDS faith is doing it, it is paid for in full in advance.

Regardless of whether or not the LDS faith still lives either practice, there are connections between the two practices that if one is no longer being lived, neither is the other one. And as a result, the second reason is that the practice of consecration is something so foreign to most people, and was probably even more foreign to the people of Joseph Smith’s time, that there was no real concept of how that should be practiced. As a result, early records of consecration had people seeing something, anything, they wanted and just taking it. And yet, I don’t have to think very hard about the concept to realize that this is not the way it was meant to be lived. You donate, give away, consecrate what you have to the church and then the church gives back what you need and want. You don’t get to just see a man’s pocket watch or wife or blanket and take it. That doesn’t even fit within the order that God has set up throughout the years.

What’s more, we accept at face value things that we read or were said by almost everyone that has lived before us. The other week Erin and I (and my mother) were watching Emma Smith: My Story and at one point the narration states (paraphrasing), “We were being tested in the refiner’s fire.” Yes, I believe that times were tough and needed to be. I also believe that times are tough now. And yet, the connection that many draw (and I think it is wrong) is that people who lived with Joseph Smith lived at a time of more and harder trials and tests than live now. And I don’t agree with that.

This actually falls in line with what I hear from a man that I know. He says, “We entered Gethsemane,” and to the LDS vernacular that means that at least two people were being tried to the edge of life and this is represented by comparing the individual trial to that of Christ’s experience right before the crucifixion. However, I know that only one individual can enter Gethsemane and though two may enter the garden at approximately the same time, they do not enter together, they do not suffer together, and they do not come out the other side together. If the connection is to be made, then entering Gethsemane is a very personal affair and cannot be shared.

I believe that people lived hard lives and were tested. I believe in the refiner’s fire and that it is used, in part, to help people to grow in order that the God’s Kingdom has leaders who have experienced a sufficient amount of life. I believe that Joseph Smith had a lot of experiences that were meant to help him grow much faster than his peers and the reason for that is because he had to do a lot of things from restoring the Church to translating the Book of Mormon and Bible and other things to sufficiently teaching Brigham Young and others how to lead the church. As a result, my beliefs state that Joseph Smith had a lifetime’s worth of challenges fit into a very short span of time so that he would be more ready than other people. What that means, for those who are wondering, is that I also believe that we will all enter Gethsemane, we will all get to suffer and be tried, we will all be a part of the refiner’s fire, and we will all be given a measure of experience that, if we accept it, allows us to lead or at the very least (or most) raise children who can lead. I know that one aspect of human development is the ability to accept and use other people’s experiences and as a result, I know that I don’t ever have to experience drug addiction or alcohol addiction to know, because I know people who have had those experiences and what it’s done to them, how to help people who are going through those experience and to empathize with them and to love them. Nor do I have to be homosexual to understand the homosexual question and problems, or female to understand and empathize with female problems, or have to experience everything there is to experience to know how to understand and empathize with those who need that.

What I have believed for many years is that we should be able to find stories and experiences that are drawn from today to illustrate what we are trying to illustrate. As a result, knowing that Emma Smith and her cohorts felt tried and persecuted is enough to know that they were probably tossed into the refiner’s fire and given the opportunity to grow; and at the same time there are sufficient examples and experiences that Emma Smith’s story should be used (in my opinion) only to accent the things that people suffer from today. We have plagues and disease and death and we don’t always understand why things happen. Sure, we are not being driven from our homes, but we are being challenged and tried and placed in the refiner’s fire. We are living our lives, though not identically, like those who lived at the time of Joseph Smith and we grow because of it.

As a result of some statements that are broad and that I don’t necessarily accept at face value, the idea behind our beliefs when it comes to the Law of Consecration is important and I believe we have no idea, not even a little, how that law will be practiced when and if it is ever practiced. One of the scriptural elements to the practice is that it has to be voluntary and it has to be because of a change of heart. I heard a man tell a group of people that this was an invitation. Consider that communism is also an invitation and the divide between the two still exists. We are invited by God to participate if our hearts are changed and if the law is currently being practiced. Otherwise, we are given a lesser responsibility and that is to pay our tithing. I wonder whether or not, someday, we will be required to live that law and if so whether or not choosing to live outside of the consecration community will affect ones ability to attend the temple? I don’t know. I know that as a part of temple attendance a covenant is made to live it, and the manner of living is tithing; but neither of those things indicate what it will do to a person’s ability to attend the temple.

In order to attend today, an individual has to be a member of the LDS church which means one has to be baptized and confirmed a member, they have to be full tithe payers (ten percent of one’s income), and a whole list of other things to include living the Law of Chastity, the Word of Wisdom, and having a testimony of Jesus Christ. Anyone can go so long as they meat the requirements, and these are minimum requirements. It wasn’t always the case that a more strict adherence (and not even a really strict adherence) of the Word of Wisdom was necessary for worthiness and temple attendance. As times change, so do the minimum requirements.

When I was on a mission I was in an area where I had three other missionaries going home. Since all three lived in the same apartment as me, the outcome of the two or three months I spent with them was pretty much absolutely no work getting done. One of the elder’s told me, one day, that he thought that polygamy should be something the church still practiced; he told me he thought that the church was no longer true; he told me a lot of things and had me read more. The reason I share this is first, I disagree with him and I think he’d gotten into trouble by over thinking the process of running a religion, specifically the LDS faith; and second, I don’t think there will ever come a time when attendance of the temple or even an individuals worthiness is determined by the number of wives he has (or participating as one of many wives). This missionary told me that he felt that one of the ways you could determine whether or not a prophet was real or not was on how many wives he had. If he had one, he couldn’t be a prophet. If he had more than one, he could be a prophet.

I do know that the bible dictates that bishops have to have a wife. A single wife. Not more than one. One. As a result (even though I’ve been told of some exceptions to this) if a bishop (or temple president or mission president) loses his wife through divorce or death he is released. There are no questions asked. The revelation that exists doesn’t allow for exceptions. Either the bishop has a wife or he doesn’t. If he doesn’t, then he can no longer serve as an active bishop. This requirement does not extend to those with the apostolic calling nor does it extend to those in other leadership positions. As a result, what I deduce from this is that unless there is some other revelation that I am not aware of and that the missionary I knew is aware of that we are required to live by, he is either wrong or the entire basis of my religious beliefs is false. I am going to tell you, there isn’t an argument that will negate my religious beliefs and I know that God will not require anything of me that I don’t know and can’t live. As a result, I believe that missionary was wrong.

All of this to say that we no longer live the Law of Consecration, at least, not the way it was lived at the time of Joseph Smith and not as the way, I would imagine, we will live it someday. I think that the way it was lived in the 1800’s is not even close to how it will be lived. I also believe that when individuals decide to speculate on the proper way to live the Law of Consecration, they are doing an injustice to everyone around them. Again, the Law of Consecration is only lived when polygamy is practiced. One does not exist without the other. I cannot speak for God, nor can I speak for the religious practices, but neither the attitude of this country nor the direction of the church leads me to believe that it is something I have to worry about for the foreseeable (and not foreseeable) future.

The outcome of these two reasons is that when we begin to innocently speculate about things we actually cause more harm than good. We look for answers and then assume when we find something that matches our understanding of whatever it is we are digging for that it must be the answer. I am pretty certain that there are logical arguments that can be made to support some of the assertions, but the outcome is that we don’t really know what will happen or how it will be executed. What all of this means is that we don’t know and I think the religious discussion will be more positive as a result.

Real Heroes Fly ]]> http://www.johnhattaway.com/2008/12/what-we-dont-know-overtly-religious/feed/ 0 http://www.johnhattaway.com/2008/12/defining-moments/ http://www.johnhattaway.com/2008/12/defining-moments/#comments Tue, 02 Dec 2008 23:11:39 +0000 smokingpen http://www.johnhattaway.com/?p=1570 I think our lives are filled with defining moments. Those are the moments that change us whether we want them to or not. In Annie Dillard’s Pilgrim at Tinker Creek, a book I am writing a final essay on for one of my classes, it would appear that one of her defining moments, at least through the book, was watching a giant water bug kill and then devour a frog. The element about the frog that she was concerned with throughout her narrative was the frog literally deflating before her eyes. Later she would think about, and write on, the giant water bug and that it was consumed into nature, dead and dispersed, and asks what the purpose of the giant water bug killing and then eating the frog. In my essay I use this as an example of change as the result of journey. Dillard’s journey was wandering around Tinker Creek and her musings about what she sees, and the change is questioning what the purpose of life is when frogs and giant water bugs and even people can want to live and yet die as a result of the actions of other people, other creatures, and even the weather. She ends up talking about those who pray to god for their daily bread and end up dying from wont of food.

Whether or not Pilgrim at Tinker Creek had the impact on Annie Dillard that a careful reading of the book would imply it does (and, “No,” I don’t think it does), the implication of the book, its finding, is a defining moment for some people. For example, the professor whose class I am reading the book was changed as a result of his reading sections of the book and then the book as a whole. His change was awe and wonder at how someone could write a book with so much added into it. One of his dream projects would be to go through and chart every reference she makes both directly quoted and paraphrased. In class he spent a great deal of time going through sections talking about what she was doing and who she was referencing and quoting. Annie Dillard likes to keep copious notes on things and as a result, her notes led to what she wrote, and what she wrote, though nearly abandoned, was the outcome of the notes and observations and less a product of a wonderful or strong memory, though I would imagine she does have one.

Some defining moments in my life have been less about the literature or books I’ve read and more about what has happened at the same time I am reading different things. For example, at age 14 I picked up Robert Jordan’s The Eye of the World, book one of The Wheel of Time series, and was transformed. Part of that transformation took place as I read the book over a family vacation where we drove from Texas to Utah and spent time not only with my maternal grandparent’s but also with different friends of my parents. We saw a salt mine, I tasted unprocessed salt for the first time, I ran into a skunk, and I had an old man tell me I should read less and pay more attention to nature and what we were allegedly doing. That was one of the last trips in that family van we would take as my parents purchased a mini-van and we started using that (more fuel efficient I would imagine).

Another defining moment was the day I realized I was actually going to serve a mission. No, that was not when I received a mission call, but when I was seventeen and had an experience that caused me to re-align my life in a way that allowed me to be able to serve a mission. Before then, and for some years, I told people that I wasn’t planning on serving and suddenly, with advance warning, I was now preparing to do exactly what young men in my church were required to do. Not all young men did it. I chose to do it. And as a result, the defining elements of my mission was babysitting other missionaries who didn’t really want to be on a mission, who, on occasion, wanted to be in or on the water, and who were biding time until they went home. At one point I had three missionaries going home at the same time and was saddled with two who wanted to be water skiing and one who stayed on the mission not because he believed the church anymore, but because he was guilted into it.

These are things I remember. They are the moments that as I look back at my life I wonder what I was like before the events took place. More recently, the decision to take a philosophy class led to multiple philosophy classes and to meeting and marrying Erin. Erin becomes a defining moment for me as I had gotten to a point in life where I didn’t believe I would ever find someone I could marry, let alone someone I would and did marry. The events that surround her are interesting. For example, the house I was living in, at the time, ended up catching on fire and was pretty well gutted. I had to move, lived with Jared and his family and Jordan for a while, and then moved into the old doll musem in Provo the owners had turned into a series of rooms for their grandsons and others to live in.

I remember a writer’s defining moment when I was just starting into kindergarten and my mother was watching some children during the day to bring in additional money. As I was leaving the house, somehow one of those other kids had Green Eggs and Ham and I remember thinking two things: 1) that I wanted to stay home rather than go to school, because school was boring; and 2) that I wanted to write something like Green Eggs and Ham. Now, over the years I’ve come to realize that I don’t want to be a Dr. Seuss, but the desire and drive to write has never left me. At times, there have been other authors who have risen up and inspired me. More recently, reading Cormac McCarthy’s All the Pretty Horses was a changing moment, though probably not as changing as when I first was able to read Green Eggs and Ham. Even more broadly than specific writers, looking at popular literary topics and asking a simple question, “What would that be like if you took it back to its core elements,” and then working forward has been a very real defining moment to my writing.

There are a lot more defining moments, September 11, 2001, going back to college, CAMPER being born, finding out Erin was pregnant, and on and on

Real Heroes Fly ]]> http://www.johnhattaway.com/2008/12/defining-moments/feed/ 0 http://www.johnhattaway.com/2008/12/since-today-it-is-december/ http://www.johnhattaway.com/2008/12/since-today-it-is-december/#comments Mon, 01 Dec 2008 19:44:42 +0000 smokingpen http://www.johnhattaway.com/?p=1563 Today is December 1, 2008. The reason this is important is because on December 19, 2008, the day after, and not many hours after, my little family and I will be in a truck (along with Erin’s auntie and her brother) and driving due east. At the moment, and after a discussion with my parents, as to whether or not we should drive I-80 or I-70. I-80 is my preferred route and after consulting the various farmer’s almanac’s out there in the world, have determined that if we leave on the 19th (the 18th would be better but is unavailable due to a final) we are about two days ahead of the winter snow. This is not an exact science, though I have learned – over the years – that the various farmer’s almanac’s are rather accurate, and will be watching the weather in about ten days for our departure. The outcome is that we, Erin, CAMPER, and me, are on the way out of Provo and the things that need to get done are pretty hefty.

For example, I think I am supposed to help my b-i-l find a way to get his car across the country or in light of not getting his car across the country, find a way to get people to ride with us, and help drive, so that we can be to the p-i-l’s before Christmas.

Another thing that has to be done is packing up the books. Yes, we have three large bookshelves and two small ones. There are books on every shelf. In the past, I think I was packing about 12 boxes of books at 40 pounds-ish apiece. 12 times 40 is something like 480 pounds. That was on sub-3 six foot tall bookshelves. Since we added two three foot bookshelves and enough books between Erin and I to fill them, and before he was even born CAMPER had his own little shelves for books and toys and there are books on his shelves, I am thinking that the number of 40 pound boxes might be increased to 15 or 18. Multiply that by forty and you get gross weights of 600 to 720 pounds of books. Because I realize it is a royal pain in the patootie, I will probably be the only (or at the very least primary) carrier of books from the apartment (in a basement) into the truck. Our plan is to load the truck with our things and the things we have in the storage unit on the 18th, take a test that night, come home and sleep on something (possibly a dreaded air mattress) and wake up in the morning with wife, child, and co. and then head off either to the north or to the south.

I also have to finish up the semester which, in some cases, requires me to spend time studying; some time writing; some time researching; and some time staring at a series of books that don’t make any sense to me whatsoever and will require a serious leap of faith to make the papers and play and tests all come together in a relatively coherent way.

Even then, the excitement of the adventure is growing. Sure, we don’t have a job set up (for me) but we have plans. Erin is working on some paperwork for the state of Massachusetts. Not exactly exciting, on my part, but necessary. At some point in the very near future we will have to transfer registration of both of our cars to Massachusetts. On top of which Erin is trying to take the GRE. I discovered today that I will need to take the GRE at some point in the next couple of years and probably also the GMAT. Which means, more studying outside of school for the hope that this gets me into a better education opportunity. I am thinking Harvard. We can’t afford Harvard and at the same time I would love to have an Ivy League university on my resume.

The point to much of this is that were on a countdown to leaving. For example, last night I noted that we were going to go to church here in Utah two more times before leaving. Erin thought, when I told our bishop that we were leaving, that we would be called to speak in church. I pointed out that the last time we were asked to speak (okay, the only time) they gave us about six weeks of advance warning. This does not mean they always give six weeks; but on a pattern, and the academics in this ward are nothing but pattern followers, one can expect at least six weeks and since they had less than five weeks, the likelihood of being asked to speak in church is rather slim. I would go so far as to say nonexistent, but I tempt fate only so far and then pull back. In this case, I shall tempt fate and say, “They ain’t gonna ask.”

There, I did it. What do you have to say to that Fate? Huh? Huh? That’s what I thought.

Anyway, two more Sunday’s and then we travel across the country. My mother said, “I hope they call you to be a high councilor,” and, “I think you still need to learn a little more humility.” I don’t know what to say about either of these statements. Yeah, sure, this is probably the first time in my life where I can be given a calling like that,  but at the same time history dictates that I have not had a calling of any kind in some years, that when a calling was extended I had to move to a new location and therefore did not get the opportunity to perform any function within that calling, and as a result, am pretty blank (in so many ways) about getting called to anything, let alone the high council.

I think I have exhausted all of my thoughts for the day. There are a couple of other things I should write, but they can be independent posts… if I get around to them.

Real Heroes Fly ]]> http://www.johnhattaway.com/2008/12/since-today-it-is-december/feed/ 0 http://www.johnhattaway.com/2008/11/priorities/ http://www.johnhattaway.com/2008/11/priorities/#comments Tue, 11 Nov 2008 06:31:58 +0000 smokingpen http://www.johnhattaway.com/?p=1496 I am offering the world my list of priorities. These are the things, and to some extent the order of priority, that I take into consideration when making some of the choices I make. Believe it or not, different priorities will leap to the top of the list that seem rather low. That is because I also realize that different people have different levels of need at different times and as a result of that, I will change my priorities accordingly.

What is interesting to me is that I have touched up on this before.

1.) Family:
In this context my priority is specifically Erin and codename: CAMPER. Erin first, CAMPER second. There should be no secrets about this to anyone. “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” (Genesis 2: 24) This scripture is repeated in Matthew, Mark, Moses, and Abraham. What I take from this is that even if I were a self-serving individual, the moment I married my self-servedness would include my wife as religion dictates that we become one (in the eyes of God) after marriage. Not only that, but we agree through the marriage covenant that we will leave our parents and begin doing things together rather than separately. This includes having a family. Where before marriage I should, and rightfully so, be concerned with myself and providing for myself; once I become married I change that focus to include wife and then child(ren). Anyone who considers this an inappropriate or wrong priority needs to refocus on their own priorities.

2.) Religion:
This priority may not be the same one for everyone. But it is one that, given different names, everyone has high on their list. Religion, for me, is literally a religion. In my, and my families case, that religion is Mormonism or The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. What we often forget, and what many use as an excuse, is that we find God through religion. And you find God through God’s organized religion and sermons and relationships with others who share similar beliefs. To some degree every faith on the planet regardless of where it exists worships and seeks after signs of a living God. Give that god a name and you will know of whom you seek. However, regardless of religious faith or sect or location or even if your religion is that of the NFL, NBA, NRA, or RNC and DNC you will follow your God. The bible, especially the Law of Moses, talks about not worshipping false idols and when you listen in church sooner or later someone is going to draw attention to the television and people who focus their lives and/or priorities around TV. I think this is accurate for such a small percentage of any population that the connection rarely works, but there are people who are converted to different ideas that don’t include organized religion and in some cases might qualify in this area.

3.) Writing:
I have never hidden the fact that I make writing a priority in my life. Writing fiction and more recently writing essays are one of the more important things to me. This has not changed and at almost all times in my life, when I’ve been around siblings or parents or even (now) Erin and codename: CAMPER, writing still takes a certain amount of my time and there is absolutely no getting around that. This is what happens when an individual is almost solely focused on specific areas. For as long as I can remember and at least all the way back to Virginia when my family lived there all I have ever wanted to be is a writer, all I have ever wanted to do is write, and the outcome is that I am focused specifically in that area. In order to obtain my goals I have to write and in order to write it has to be a priority.

4. ) Work:
Right now my work priority is school. I get up, go to class, read lots of books, write papers, outline projects, and make sure that by December 19 I have sufficiently accomplished my goal by graduating. I will, to a large extent, continue my education after my undergraduate. When it is necessary or essential, I work a job. Recently I’ve gone on terminal leave with the job on campus and don’t honestly expect to be back because of other more urgent needs at the moment. With that said, when I am not in school, my working full-time and providing for myself, my wife, and my child(ren) is the high priority. I wonder at what point in my life I will find a career and be happy for the unforeseeable long-term; however, at the same time, I am happy to get up and do what is necessary to make sure we have the money necessary to pay bills and have a little left over for savings and some of the things that Erin and I want and need to do with our lives. At some point, writing fiction or essays may be how we make our money, but at present reality and life indicate that my priority in this area is that I work jobs that I am qualified for, that fall within my functional capacity, and that my overall and specific flexibility allows me to function within.

5.) Family:
Yes. This is a second priority with the same title. And yet, I have more of a family than Erin and codename: CAMPER. This family includes my parents and brother’s and sister’s and to some extent Erin’s parent’s and brother and by a much further extension cousin’s. The farther, genetically, you move away from me (and Erin) the lower this priority falls. However, I do realize and recognize that family is a priority and before marriage siblings (and parents) took a much higher priority in my life because, quite honestly, I had not “[left] my mother and father …,” yet. As a result, I could focus on areas that appeared more important, which also meant that I was more available to run to the hospital and sit with a sick sibling for hours on end, or run to a treatment facility and sit with a dying grandparent, or run to Colorado and help my parents (who, interestingly enough, are not sick), or one of a host of other things to include digging out water mains or dry walling or pouring cement or running cable or watching children or watching dogs or a lot of other things. This priority falls lower not because it is any less important, but it has to be weighed against higher priorities that affect my wife and child(ren) and our future stability.

6.) Friends:
Friendship is an interesting thing to me. I do not combine this with family and I do not prioritize it at the same level as family. That’s because it’s not family. These are people I choose to associate with and under different circumstances, there are people I no longer choose to associate with. The associations with these people are the result of choice and as a result I can walk away from someone whom I consider a friend and not think about it again. Whereas I cannot walk away from family and not consider the consequences of stopping a relationship or even wanting to stop a relationship. There are ways where family, in this context, lowers itself to the level of friends and that is when a family member elevates friendship above family and chooses to support something that, really, means absolutely nothing while ignoring family obligations. The reason this is true is that I will elevate and reprioritize based on immediate need and circumstances and I will de-evelate based on other people’s choices. In this context, I think stating something to the effect of, “I can’t hear you because your actions are screaming louder than your words,” seems appropriate. What is important here is that I will not elevate my friends above family given two equal and immediate needs. Family comes first. And my wife and child(ren) comes first, first.

7.) The stranger on the road:
Yes. This is a priority. It has jumped up and bitten me on my hind-quarters at least once, but I am still concerned with the stranger. Call me a Samaritan. I watch out for other people especially when I am driving. If there is an accident on the road and no one has stopped I will stop. Occasionally, if someone needs a ride, I will offer them a ride. If I am somewhere and it is clear that someone needs money and I have some I will donate money. When I make enough money, I donate to local charities that will use what I donate to help people within the community. On top of that we pay tithing to help the church, and fast-offerings to help people within the church and the community. I recognize this as a priority and I take it seriously. It, however, is one of those things that is prioritized low more because I don’t have the means to always do what I want to do. I hope that this will change in the very near future.

To my way of thinking a list like this should come as no surprise to anyone. Granted, there are people who will assume that because my priorities were different and skewed toward siblings and parents before I got married that I would maintain that as the highest priority. I am sorry to say, that is not the case. I believe that priorities rightfully change over time and as a result, and because it’s not really that convenient, people’s feelings can become hurt. However, it is under these priorities and subsequent obligations that I have made some of the choices in my life because, honestly, at some point in my life, I have to be my own priority.

Real Heroes Fly ]]> http://www.johnhattaway.com/2008/11/priorities/feed/ 1 http://www.johnhattaway.com/2008/10/i-dont-have-to-approve/ http://www.johnhattaway.com/2008/10/i-dont-have-to-approve/#comments Thu, 30 Oct 2008 19:10:26 +0000 smokingpen http://www.johnhattaway.com/?p=1468 I found a second blog I was reading that I will no longer be following. This makes two in just under a year where the author moved sufficiently (and consistently) away from the reasons I would read their blogs into areas that I don’t agree, feel that the individual is wrong, and where the individual has chosen to take a “high road” approach to the argument, when in reality they are taking a standard and rather low approach to their argument.

Case in point: Marriage in California. I am to believe, by reading different blogs, that marriage should be extended to everyone regardless of personal choice. The wording used is bigotry. Went to the OED and this is the definition:

A. n.

1. A religious hypocrite; (also) a superstitious adherent of religion. Obs.

2. a. A person considered to adhere unreasonably or obstinately to a particular religious belief, practice, etc.

b. In extended use: a fanatical adherent or believer; a person characterized by obstinate, intolerant, or strongly partisan beliefs.

B. adj. (attrib.). Of or characteristic of a bigot; bigoted. Also fig. Now rare.

A bigot, and I like this, is someone who works in opposition to stated religious beliefs. In the case of same-sex marriage, a rather large percentage of the population believe that marriage is between a man and a woman. As a result, the bigot is literally the individual who states that belief and then doesn’t act according to that stated belief. Unfortunately, a person who adheres too strictly to stated beliefs is also a bigot. There is a pattern here: don’t act the hypocrit and don’t act the fanatic. The final definition (2b) states: a person characterized by obstinate, intolerant, or strongly partisan beliefs. From here we can get the argument people use for bigot.

Whether or not California or any other state legally define marriage as anything other than between that of a man and woman isn’t the issue. What is the issue is that people use language of intolerance to define people whom they consider intolerant. In the case of this argument, the writer whose blog I will no longer read, decided to describe anyone who disagrees with him as a bigot and that in time those bigots will see the error of their ways and come to his point-of-view. The outcome of this is that he is invariably expecting to be right and does not allow for any faults in his argument, which are actually easy to break. For this author (who is heterosexual), the same-sex marriage issue has only one answer and there is no gray space in the argument.

The reason this is an argument is because of religious beliefs. Now, I don’t care what his religious beliefs are. I don’t care what brought him to the point in opinion where the only right answer is that one-half of the population and their religious beliefs are wrong. More, I don’t care how one can ignore that all of the major religions of the world with hundreds to thousands of years of experience and history are suddenly wrong and by extension how billions of people should have dictated to them that thousands and (potentially) millions of people are more correct in such a short span of time.

What gets me is that he does the same thing that other’s do. He has attribute the speech of hate to those who oppose him. He might as well play from the Republican playbook (he is not a Republican) because his opinion and his approach mirror what the RNC have been doing for a lot of years. It mirrors what both sides of the abortion argument have been doing since 1973. His words mirror the negative arguments shot out by any piece of legislation or ammendment or anything else where the different sides are polar opposites.

Here’s what’s sad to me, neither this author nor I live in California. Granted, there may come a time when I have to decide whether to move to California as a result of the decisions being made by the people. This is an emotional argument. This is something that matters to a lot of people. This is both religious and political and even though we tend to try and tell people that we separate church from state, we don’t. Not sufficiently. And having billions of people be opposed to something that affects thousands of people directly and tell them they are wrong and apply the lexicon of hate to that group is, inherently, wrong.

As a result, do I care what happens in California? Yes. I hope proposition 8 passes. Why? Because the California Supreme Court created legislation and I don’t believe they have that right. Because the people in California have already said through a passed law that they want marriage to be defined as only between a man and a woman. Because I personally believe the object of marriage is offspring and if you cannot naturally produce offspring between the genders of both parties you negate the purpose of marriage. Because I believe that the LDS Proclamation to the World is revelation because I believe that there is a prophet who lives, who guides us, and who had the foresight to release the official statement of what marriage is more than a decade before this question came up. And I believe what is in that document.

Call me what you will. That’s fine. What I really am, though, is someone who realizes that the case in California is much larger than just the definition of marriage and someone who doesn’t care for the beliefs and opinions of a majority of people and who choose to call me something simply because they feel that they are more right than everyone else.

Real Heroes Fly ]]> http://www.johnhattaway.com/2008/10/i-dont-have-to-approve/feed/ 1