Yesterday was a good day. As promised I didn’t update, though, sadly, I did get online. There is a measure of need for me to find a job and to be actively engaged in it and even though I have a job listing that requires me to drive to a location about ten or fifteen miles away (uhm, according to mapquest its 6.27 miles away and takes 16 minutes to drive), yesterday was out because I was celebrating my birthday with wife and child and parents-in-law (and then later that night with brother-in-law). Which reminds me, thanks Lisa and Jim for the cards and Lisa for the cake. You all helped make the day special and harder to skip out on people and away from communication and life, which can be a little nice.

Erin and I went out to eat and get haircuts. The haircuts (universally) sucked as the lady doing the cutting didn’t have a blankety-blank clue as to what she was doing. I specifically asked for a number three on the sides and back of my head, which surprised her, but I know that the number three is pretty universal and when something else is suggested by a talented hair stylist am willing to listen, but this lady was such a spaz that her making any suggestions wasn’t appreciated. Anyway, she pulls out a pair of rechargeable hair clippers and proceeded to cut half of my head before they die. Then she proceeds to cut the same half to her imagined finger length and almost completely (except for the odd clip and snip) forgot the side she didn’t get with clippers. I kept waiting for her to borrow or pull out another pair and when she didn’t and then asked, “How does that look?” I said, “The two sides of my head are two different lengths,” at which point she started telling me about how my hair grows. I looked at her (in the mirror) and said, “I know how my hair grows and I know that the two sides are two different lengths.” We think, based on her reactions and trying to blame the cutting on my head, that she thought she tried to even out both sides of my head by using her scissors and failing miserably. Erin pointed out that when she went back over my head with a pair of borrowed clippers (hers were dead and she tried to get me to pass off on the haircut by telling us that it would take forever to recharge her clippers) that the side she spent forever on let off no hair when she ran the clippers over them and the other side cut a lot of hair. The problem I had, and I actually had to walk out of the salon after she was done, was that she started yanking at the clippers and in turn pulling my hair with them. Not comfortable. The point in all of this is the lady (and if I remembered her name I would probably share it with anyone who lived in the Berkshires in Massachusetts) didn’t really know how to cut hair, messed up my hair (and no, I don’t like it high and tight) and preceded cutting my hair by messing up cutting Erin‘s bangs that Erin will let brand new hairstylist graduates cut and be happy with it. Not fun.

After the hair we bought me a toolbox for my tools. Something any “handy” dad needs to have. Followed by a new SIGG water bottle that is more flask shaped and rather cool. We then went out to eat at a Chinese restaurant after finding a place called Pedro’s Wings and Dogs (sounds like hot wings and hot dogs to me) before seeing a Chinese restaurant Erin knew and liked and since I was totally in the mood for Chinese we went in and then ordered everything we wanted. Which, amazingly, was a TON of food that we brought home and her brother told us wouldn’t last the night while her dad said he was going to take some to work today. All-in-all, the night was good and since Erin’s mom wanted to put CAMPER to bed, which also meant giving him a bath and following his routine, we tried to stay out as late as we could, but come 7:30 p.m. we headed back to the house to relieve a grandparent from a screaming baby because, when you take him prematurely out of the bath, he likes to scream his head off as though screaming will get him back in the bath, which is clearly never the case. Of course, this kid, when he gets hungry, decides to pitch a very loud and unending fit that often results in real tears until he has a nice warm bottle in his mouth and is being held very securely by someone. Which really resulted, last night, in Erin’s mom, then Erin and finally me holding and rocking him to sleep.

In between food and home we stopped off at the bookstore and I got a copy of Rudyard Kipling‘s, The Jungle Books, since he wrote two Jungle Books, named the first one, Jungle Book, and the second one, The Second Jungle Book, and Barnes and Noble, as the publisher, published them as a single book and called the combined books, The Jungle Books. What I did notice, and notice almost every time I walk into a Barnes and Noble, is their distinct and almost (though not complete) lack of The Modern Library publications of classic books. I would imagine this is because The Modern Library is a direct competitor of Barnes and Noble publishing and as a corporation they’ve decided not to NOT carry the books, but rather to not actively carry them if there is a book they publish that they don’t want competition for. As a result, my choice (in literature) is Barnes and Noble publication, whilst, when I walked over to philosophy, I noted The Modern Library collections and works over there. I would suggest this is odd, or at the very least awkward, but it is neither odd nor awkward and as a result, I am sure if I get a hankering for a nice classic in a The Modern Library edition I should just use Amazon.com or plan to drive to Albany or Holyoke where they have a Borders (as a side note, The Modern Library does not appear to publish a copy of The Jungle Books). I wanted these books, in part, because I recently read Neil Gaiman‘s The Graveyard Book and that it was based, in part, off of The Jungle Books and that Gaiman really had a lot of positive things to say about The Jungle Books and as a result, when I review The Graveyard Book I want to have (possibly) read The Jungle Books. Now let’s see if that actually happens.

Anyway, the night ended as they always do. Since it was my night to pray, I tried to convince Erin that it was really her night to pray and she told me she’d tried to change my phone so it always read that it was her night to pray (it’s not currently accurate), at which time I pointed out that when I check to see whose night it is to pray I check the day before and the day after as well and that little trick wouldn’t last very long. She, however, thought it was a nice little trick and may try again at some future point.

The point in all of this is that I had a good day. I am now officially 35, which in a lot of areas when filling out forms I get to move up to the next age group segment. It also means that if I wanted to, I could run for President of the United States. Imagine that, me president of the United States. Erin‘s brother told someone, who naively thought I was shy, that I didn’t speak to him because I probably considered him an idiot (not the exact words). We all got a good laugh at me being shy. But, the point in this is to imagine me being president when even my bro-in-law thinks that I think people are idiots. Its not true, but the world doesn’t necessarily see into my head and since I am stand-offish, means that I am not likely to change what the world sees. Of course, according to Erin I can be very friendly and charming in front of a large group of people (which I think might be true), but the difference between large group and individual contact is something I choose not to go into and I will revert to the statement that if I wanted to and was interested in political office, I am now constitutionally able to run for president. Amazingly enough, I now match all of the ACTUAL requirements to be president, I was born in and by extension am a citizen of the United States and I am 35. Chew on that McCain. Heck, the courts actually did have to look at his birth and the conditions under which he was born in Panama to determine if he was actually eligible. Me, I am actually eligible. Yay!

As for how I feel, well… that’s a question. I feel about the same as I did a couple of days ago when I was 34. Not really a lot different though I did spend the preceding week thinking about all of those things I wanted to have accomplished by the time I was 25 and didn’t and how at 35 I am a lot closer to having many of those early life’s goals out of the way (married, family, degree). At the same time, I look back on a lot of years of semi-wasted time and wonder if I would do things differently. Honestly, folks, a lot of that time was simply spent writing and you have to write to get better at writing and since I’ve dedicated a lot of my time to the study of the process and act and art of writing, I don’t think they are wasted years, just not focused in ways that would set me  up at this point in my life.

Regardless, as of today I am still looking for a job, I did get a recruiter email today for a job closer to Boston. I responded with my resume and don’t know whether or not I will hear anything back. I am qualified and do have the experience, the problem I’ve got is not experience or qualifications it’s location. At the same time, I am hoping (and I am beginning to think this hope is false) that the local company I’ve been waiting on will eventually come through and as a result of the lack of movement in that realm I am most likely in need of reverting to Plan B. What is Plan B? Well, I can’t tell you.

Real Heroes Fly ]]> http://www.johnhattaway.com/2009/01/the-day-after-2/feed/ 1 http://www.johnhattaway.com/2008/09/age-ism/ http://www.johnhattaway.com/2008/09/age-ism/#comments Mon, 08 Sep 2008 20:31:21 +0000 smokingpen http://www.johnhattaway.com/?p=1039 Anyone that knows me, will (sooner or later) recognize that I have issues with different age groups. At no time do I consider myself an age-ist, nor do I go out of my way to completely dismiss someone because of their age; but age, for me, is (at the very least) an indicator of ability, capacity, and capability. The outcome, I have a tendency to weight things from someone who is, say, eighteen differently than I would balance the same kinds of information from someone who is, say, thirty-five. Nor, in this (and as a quick aside) do I think it is immaterial or a mistake that there are age requirements for different political offices, to vote, to serve in the military, and etc.

Consider that the majority of crimes committed (in the United States) each year are committed by the eighteen to twenty-four age group. Note that before eighteen you are less likely to have someone attack you or break into your home or car; and after twenty-four the instances of violent crime also diminish simply be age. On top of the crime statistics, people who are willing to dedicate their lives to “a cause” or to protest with little or no concern for their life or freedom also fall within the same category of individuals. And to couple that a little further with things that are applicable to many people, traditional college students are between the ages of eighteen and twenty-three.

What does this mean?

Actually, it means a lot of things. It is not uncommon to sit in a college class with traditional students and to have those students begin to believe (not think) the same way any given professor thinks about a specific subject. This is not out of line with education or educational purposes. Chances are, we are not all going to be like Ralph Nader whose father, upon coming home from school, would ask Nader and his siblings whether they were taught to think or taught to believe and who would augment the teaching of school by having his children think about civic issues and then proposing solutions.

For most traditional college students the outcome is literally a taught to believe strategy where they will get the facts (or an interpretation of the facts) and then allowed to apply them in a way that will someday, hopefully, lead to individual and unique thought.

Not everyone will be John Nash and find the need to discover a truly unique theory on something (in his case game theory where each individual in a game will do what is best for his position and for the game as a whole… or in A Beautiful Mind, Adam Smith was wrong because he believed that an entity (business) that only did what was best for itself would be best for the competition and that an entity that does what is best for itself and for the greater competition community is a better explanation). What we do need to do is discover that not everything we are fed on TV or through the radio, in books, magazine, or in movies, or even what we read online or are told by cohorts, friends, family members, or coworkers is truth or even worth listening to and as a result, we are better served preparing to think (and by extension, to question) than to accept that one person’s opinion, though educated, is the correct opinion or even worth listening to.

Ralph Nader has a lot to say, and knowing something about his youth makes him an interesting person, but just because he thinks the direction of the government is wrong or that the current set of candidates are poor does not make either assertion true or worth listening to; and, the more he goes about asserting those things and forcing himself into the election process, the less likely it is that people who, eight or so years ago, were willing to listen to him are going to listen to him now. Nor does this negate his message or what he is standing for as Nader represents a third alternative to the way things are done now; though it is not a soluble third alternative nor can we expect that his message will go any further than to obfuscate the process more than it already is. What he does represent, in Adam Smith parlance is the invisible hand of politics stepping in and moving the process forward. He is supported because enough people feel that the two major parties are doing a poor enough job that Nader’s position becomes interesting if not sticky.

Rather, the ability for someone to have a rational independent thought (that, apparently, does not include a criminal act) is associated with age. By the time you are 26 you will be emotionally mature. Physical maturity comes at different times. Intellectual maturity shapes itself well into a persons 30′s. We become something else slowly over time and that, the change, is an important aspect of our abilities and capabilities and capacity when it comes to how someone like me (who thinks way too much about this stuff) will deal with you depending on age.

I can (and should) expect someone in their 60′s to act and be far more responsible than someone in their 20′s. That is a social expectation that we tend to ignore. Most people become upset or agitated when the 60-something acts on par with a 20-something. When the emotional equivalence of a 60-something and a 20-something are equal or close that they can actually relate to each other, then we discover (very quickly) that something is wrong and adjustments, either in understanding the 60-something or in how we react to people in general, have to be made. The long-term outcome, though, is that every time you walk up to someone who is clearly in their 60′s your expectations of that individual are higher than someone who is in their 20′s.

Unlike many people in my religion (LDS) I do not believe that serving a two year or eighteen months suddenly hurdles an unspecified (though I’ve heard 50) number of years in maturity. Truth told, most of the 19, 20, 21, 22, and 23 year olds, regardless of gender, are about the same going out and coming back. There is a difference in step and in confidence, but there is a similar difference in someone who joins the military or goes to school full-time or works full-time or a whole host of other things. Granted, in one small area (responsibility for others) those individuals trend toward a greater degree of ability; but often, the overall maturity and development of an individual within that age group is on par with the rest of the hundreds of millions of people who share the same age group and a returned missionary is just as likely to go out and stupidly commit a crime as anyone else within the eighteen to twenty-four age range, as well as believe rather than think when it comes to education, experience, or even opinion.

Rather, what I propose (in stating what I already do) is that when we treat people of an age the way that age is supposed to be treated and to the levels of capacity for thinking and acting, than the transference of responsibility in any given situation is only as far as the individual (or individuals) through which responsibility is a measure of capacity and that the relationships between individuals becomes much greater and easier to handle; especially when one realizes that someone who is 18 and legally able to do a lot of things, is still not capable of handling the responsibilities that legal authorization allows (e.g. drinking, smoking, sex, marriage, children, and etc.). This also means that someone who is 18 can handle some aspects of legal authority, but is not necessarily capable in other or even some aspects.

As a result, a simple question, “How old are you?” is a telling object that then indicates to (me) someone how they should interact with that person. More, when it comes to giving advice or asking for assistance, knowing general capabilities of an individual are key to how to approach and then handle that same person when those capabilities become essential to the overall reach of whatever is meant as a desired outcome. As an example, when an 18 (turning 19) year old man wants to know what I think about his serving an LDS mission (I am all for it) and then wants advice, it is better (most of the time) to send that individual to someone else who is closer in age and experience for advice than to speak to him directly about my experience (which is often what is wanted). The same is true of women who want to serve and LDS mission.

The point to all of this is that I willingly and knowingly judge individual people and opinions and reactions to people (or even willingness to associate) upon the age of an individual and I question the motivations of people who are only interested in relationships where the object of that relationship has a significant difference in years (e.g. 10 year old boy and 16 year old girl or vice-versa) to maturity level, capacity, and capabilities. There comes a point in this where individuals are adults and can make mature (or seeminlgy mature) choices based on available data or understanding; though it is also important to note that often we accept a decision as mature or thought out when in reality it is neither and was arrived at emotionally and with little thought of consequence or responsibility.

John Hattaway | smokingpen | Alicia Grey | Clockwork Princess | Cassandra West

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