What did I get her? Good question. At one point the only thing she wanted was socks. I didn’t buy her socks. Then she wanted a trip to a day spa. I suck at spas. After some talking and finagling, we ended up deciding I would buy her some books. I will let her tell you what books she got (on her website). But, in the end I think the gift fit the situation.

Happy birthday Erin.

Real Heroes Fly ]]> http://www.johnhattaway.com/2010/02/happy-birthday-erin-2/feed/ 0 http://www.johnhattaway.com/2009/12/toward-the-end-of-2009/ http://www.johnhattaway.com/2009/12/toward-the-end-of-2009/#comments Sun, 13 Dec 2009 02:55:46 +0000 smokingpen http://www.johnhattaway.com/?p=2065 Another year has come and gone. CAMPER is now going on 18 months, he surpassed the one year mark and is now trying to walk. Which is pretty cool to watch. He is also trying to speak and rambles on in baby-babble for long periods of time, especially when he is upset over something and needs to get it off his chest.

Erin and I have spent the past year in Massachusetts. During that time I took all of the tests for Massachusetts Teacher Licensure and passed. This was a bit of a surprise. Out of the three tests I knew I would pass two of them. When I got word that I passed the third I was surprised and excited and I know Erin was as well.

After a little less than six months as a graduate student (Masters of Fine Art in Creative Writing), I feel that things are finally clicking. I head back to school two days after Christmas. That goes through the New Year. I am actually getting excited for the next residency, meeting new people, seeing the ones I now know, and building that writing community that will (God willing) allow me to move forward as a writer.

I did start a couple of writing projects that I am a little excited about and that others are far more excited about. When I am in a position (meaning I have written a hell of a lot more) to share I will. One of the things I’ve learned over the past months is, first, to ask, “Why?” something exists within the context of what I am writing; and, second, that I am really bad about completing things that I start.

As a result of the past year, I think I’ve become frustrated with the state of politics, the state of the economy, the state of my life, and the state of the kinds of jobs I seem to be getting. Presently, I am working in Loss Prevention and even though the nature of the job is enjoyable and educational; the amount I am paid and the stress of the position don’t really work for my overall sanity. Regardless, it pays the bills.

In any case, the past year has been good and I think I need to be better at writing on my blog. I have an app on my iPhone that allows me to update and I should use it more. Going into the next year, I am hoping for a better job. To teach somewhere. And to finally do what I keep putting off – writing something that should be published and then be paid to have it published.

I realize there isn’t a lot of coherence to this. Consider, though, that it is an update and for anyone who still comes about, the coherence will come in time.

Real Heroes Fly ]]> http://www.johnhattaway.com/2009/12/toward-the-end-of-2009/feed/ 0 http://www.johnhattaway.com/2009/10/sticking-a-toe-in-the-water/ http://www.johnhattaway.com/2009/10/sticking-a-toe-in-the-water/#comments Thu, 22 Oct 2009 17:11:44 +0000 smokingpen http://www.johnhattaway.com/?p=2058 I am not sure I am back . . . to blogging that is.

However, I am preparing to attend my second residency, which also means my second semester in a Masters of Fine Arts in Creative Writing program.

Along with that, I took a series of tests (about eight hours) to certify as a teacher in Massachusetts and after some soul searching and considering changes in my life as well as Erin and CAMPER’s, and am now considering starting (with the current degree) a Masters of Education with an emphasis in Teaching Writing.

I started a new job with a retailer in Loss Prevention. Even though I enjoy the job, I am not certain this is something I want to stick with for any real length of time. On the one hand, they want me there until (at least) the end of the holiday season. On the other hand, I am not sure this is the right thing for me.

With all of that said, I think I’ve got a handful of things I’d like to begin sharing and as a result may start blogging again.

-John

Aside from all that, today started as every day does, my alarm goes off at 6:30 a.m. I swear at it, wish it didn’t have to go off at all, feel a tinge of regret knowing that Erin is getting up with CAMPER at about the same time and doesn’t have the lattitude to go back to bed, and then pull myself out of bed, shower, shave (every other day) and head to breakfast. This morning it was some kind of an egg thing, not quite an omelet and with tomatoes. I have to let the world know, right this second, that I HATE tomatoes.

Anyway, we got a new group of faculty members who arrived yesterday before I got back to the island. They were all ready to leap into reading and critiquing fiction and as a result, we sat down and started talking about one of the pieces as well as a published short story by Carol Shields, I think. Then we leapt into the short story of one of the classmates and talked about what could be done to improve it before hitting lunch and then seminars.

What was, somewhat, exciting for me today was that the Associate Administrator, a Jesuit Priest, was sat next to me at lunch and we got to talk about religion and life and family and I was able to ask what caused him to make the life choice of becoming a Jesuit and he, in turn, asked why I got married and then proceeded to build an argument around his reasons – though it wasn’t, per say, an argument-argument as he was sincerely answering a sincere question. Anyway, we talked, went to an adhoc seminar on a web 2.0 piece of software and then I left to record audio at another one of the seminars while he sat in another seminar.

Truth told, I am extremely tired. Driving home and back took a little out of me. I am legitimtely concerned about Erin and CAMPER sleeping at night, which doesn’t necessarily stop me from sleeping and at the same time I have to do reading and prepare notes and write a review and do a few other things all with the intent of getting the most out of this program. The outcome, I am very tired, would LOVE to go to bed, still have to read two short pieces before I go to bed, and wonder what to take from everything as I don’t know if my thoughts are actually very clear or if I am suffering from sleep deprivation and my mind is all sloggy and slow.

Regardless, I think I am pretty stoked about this second half. The weather report is rain for the next two days, possible good weather on Tuesday, and then rain on the day I head home. I am excited about getting my first MENTOR and working with them as I find time to write over the next few months, not to mention READ, and in the end I feel like I’ve been motivated just enough to get me to the next residency. With all of that said, there will be more later and I still need to write a post from notes from a couple of days ago, I need to create some posts with the different chapel pictures, and I should probably walk around the grounds and take pictures of the statuary and stonework to give people a better idea of what I get to experience daily.

More later.

Real Heroes Fly ]]> http://www.johnhattaway.com/2009/07/the-second-half-of-the-residency/feed/ 0 http://www.johnhattaway.com/2009/07/as-i-wake/ http://www.johnhattaway.com/2009/07/as-i-wake/#comments Sat, 25 Jul 2009 11:34:48 +0000 smokingpen http://www.johnhattaway.com/?p=2045 Well, back to the rapid fire blogging of an active residency (for me that is maybe more than once a day).

I did go home the other night, apparently minutes in front of a storm. The people who stayed, and were awake for it, said the storm that blew in was heavy and hard and that power went out for a period of hours. That would’ve been cool to see and be a part of, but the need to see Erin and CAMPER was far greater than the need to be a part of a storm that inherently would’ve been no different from any other coastal storm I’ve been through that I don’t regret the loss of experience or anything else for that matter.

Going home meant about five hours (total) of driving. Erin asked about that in a way, yesterday, that had me say, “I packed only what I needed for the first five days of the residency so that I would have to come home. We also planned for the doctors visit so I’d come home. I had to come home whether I could find an excuse to stay on the island or not.”

I guess what all of this is meant to evoke is that, for me, I needed to go home. As such, I was able to spend some good time with CAMPER who has not been sleeping so well because I’m not at home; and some good time with Erin, who missed me – and that is a very nice feeling. As a result, I will never regret nor feel like I missed out on something by fulfilling those needs in my life. When I got married I knowingly agreed to place Erin and CAMPER as a very high priority.

However, what Michael White is trying to accomplish as a part of the Fairfield University Master’s of Fine Art in Writing residency is a sense of place and urgency in writing and he feels that leaving this place – even to go home – removes one from that feeling and changes the experience. I’ve spoken to different people about that, all who were here last semester, and some who left, and the feeling of remaining on the island, of experiencing the writing commune for what it is has been evoked. All agreed with Michael even though some, like me, still needed to take the 24 hours of non-class and workshop work to go home.

As a result, I went home and am glad for it and missed yesterday’s activities; and at the exact same time for someone who is single or has the lattitude in relationship and time to not go home, I can see how the spirit of the island is sufficient to carry one all the way through ten days.

Real Heroes Fly ]]> http://www.johnhattaway.com/2009/07/as-i-wake/feed/ 0 http://www.johnhattaway.com/2009/07/the-cost-of-being-away-from-home/ http://www.johnhattaway.com/2009/07/the-cost-of-being-away-from-home/#comments Tue, 21 Jul 2009 13:01:55 +0000 smokingpen http://www.johnhattaway.com/?p=1929 Really quick . . .

I spent most of last night awake and (somewhat) wired, as far as someone who lives his life in a perpetual state of sleep deprivation, can be wired; however, after a conversation with Erin from Ender’s Island to where Google told me Wal-Mart was located (and I found a Super Chop-n-Shop or something along that line), I was pretty much awake and trying to will things to happen much quicker and more equitably than they have so far. As such, this is about money, it is about my not being at work, and it is about me being at my MFA residency. The outcome, from last night, I am still a bit wired and waiting to see that money is moving and (a very small part of me) moving in the right direction.

What does this mean? Well, I am a writer in residence in a writer’s training program being trained and the outcome is that I am not at home, I can’t comfort my wife, and I can’t make different businesses or whatnot’s move any faster than they are going to. By the end of the week (when I drive home for about a day) we will be fine, but at the moment, we are currently hurting under the thought that all of our bills will come due today and we will be in trouble for about 72 hours.

With that said, Ender’s Island is a beautiful, the rain that started sometime after midnight (because I went to bed around midnight and it wasn’t raining then) is soothing, and I get to use my umbrella – which is always a plus, and I am having a good itme. On top of which, I am also a bit *something or other* about my family’s situation.

Tomorrow it will be VERY different. Today, the worry and frustration is transfered to me.

Oh, and hold on for more pictures of where I am at later in the day (I hope).

Real Heroes Fly ]]> http://www.johnhattaway.com/2009/07/the-cost-of-being-away-from-home/feed/ 1 http://www.johnhattaway.com/2009/07/for-a-variety-of-reasons/ http://www.johnhattaway.com/2009/07/for-a-variety-of-reasons/#comments Sun, 12 Jul 2009 12:55:23 +0000 smokingpen http://www.johnhattaway.com/?p=1914 For a variety of reasons I can’t seem to sit down, long enough, at a computer and write out a blog entry. None of the reasons are due to lack of interest in the blog or, for that matter, lack of things to say. The world is an interesting place filled with opinions and people and events that all seem to coalesce and transpire into a mixing pot of things to say, things to think about, and things to update the blog about. As such, one of those items is a list of personal goals I’ve set for myrself, one of which is (though possibly not for much longer) to update the blog five times a week. Right now, I think updating once a week, and probably on Sunday’s, may be the best that can be expected of me.

I wouldn’t bet anything significant on or against my updating once a week. Heck, if you were a betting person and looking for new things to bet against, I (probably) wouldn’t use my blog or website as that item for two reasons. First, I am as likely as not (e.g. sixes) to update reqularly; and second, I am as likely as not (again, sixes) to not update for a very long time. In either case, I actually like my website, I like having my domain, I like updating it, and I like updating whoever in the world wants to come and see what I am doing with what I am doing. As such . . .

I go to my residency starting  next Sunday. I’ve been reading sample work from my cohorts and am pretty excited to be in this MFA-Writing program. I am even more excited about the writing that I am producing not so much in anticipation of the program, but rather in anticipation of being in a place in my life where a) I have things to say, b) I am capable of saying them, and c) they come out interesting and compelling and in fiction form. None of this means I don’t enjoy reading and writing non-fiction and essays and whatnots. It does mean that the goal I set for myself a long time ago is still there.

Also, I am still taking calls from a state agency about issues related to money and rights. This does deal with child support cases and as a result, I understand now the intricacies that exist within that realm. AND, I have no desire to really talk about it. This is probably one of my problems about updating, I want to write about things and don’t want my blog to become known for child support related questions and answers. I care too much about the writing for that.

For those that are curious, I am still looking for a job that is more compatible with my background and education and my future education (e.g. I am getting a Master’s of Fine Arts in Writing and would like to start work either as a professor or in publishing) and as a result continue to apply for jobs when they come available. With all of that said, I am still interested in a job in academia or a job dealing with government contractors. And, I still note that the economy is in the toilet. I’ve a new idea I should explore in relationship to that – no hints from me about what the idea is – but haven’t really delved into anything in that area that could be considered research. I’m poor.

Anyway, life continues. Erin is about to take the GRE. We are excited about that. CAMPER is growing like a weed and for those that know the website you can see pretty regular updates from Erin there. As well as at Erin’s website. Beyond that, we continue to live with family and continue to try and figure out what comes next.

Real Heroes Fly ]]> http://www.johnhattaway.com/2009/07/for-a-variety-of-reasons/feed/ 0 http://www.johnhattaway.com/2009/06/the-long-something/ http://www.johnhattaway.com/2009/06/the-long-something/#comments Tue, 30 Jun 2009 01:01:09 +0000 smokingpen http://www.johnhattaway.com/?p=1909 I think I often have great plans to do big things. I think some of those big things include my blog and making it more popular and more accessible. Point, I started at the earliest posts editing them so that the links all went somewhere, images were either updated or deleted, and they cross-referenced older posts. I worked on that for a few days, got about fifty or so posts in, realized I had something like 1000 to go through, and thought to myself, “Someday I will have enough money I can pay someone to do that.” Truth told, I still harbor that plan and I don’t think I will ever actually get around to doing anything with it.

Erin and I were speaking the other day, as we do every day, about stuff when she pointed out something I’d been thinking about for a couple of weeks. I have two things in my life that I am more likely than not to spend money one – heck, if I am having a bad time for long enough and sooner or later I am going to spend money on one or the other or both – the first are books and the second is software. Now, I am not a software person in the sense that I will buy games galore; however, I am a software person where I will purchase and use something for writing or organization or project management and see how it works and then draw up plans on how I might make changes and then wish or dream those beautiful dreams about how, when I have enough disposable income (or an investor) I will change the face of the internet and off-line computing with my ideas. Heck, not too long ago I came up with the next billion dollar idea that will (probably) never see the light of day from me because . . . well, my reasons are my own.

As for books, before Erin (b.E.), I think between 1/4 and 1/2 of my income went to the acquisition of books. I spent a lot of money at Borders and Amazon.com that it justified and probably (without spending more money) could inherently justify having Amazon Prime for some years. Fortunately, I still spend money at Amazon.com and, when time and our finances permit, I can spend some money at Borders as well. Most often, though, Borders comes in the form of gift cards and Amazon.com comes in the form of gift certificates and school money so that I can expand my collection of, and knowledge on, books about writing and etc. However, in the days of b.E. I spent a considerable amount of money that would lead one to believe I have a considerable number of books – and yes, I have some; but at the same time I also cull the books I buy, selling some online, taking others to used bookstores and selling them there, and still others I give away to people I think will like (and cherish) them more than me.

The outcome to all of this is another one of those grand plans: I would love to have a house with a room that is a couple or three stories tall, with a special observation area at the very top, with books from floor to ceiling and round cast iron stair cases and my desk in the very middle of the room. With windows that could darken at the touch of a button, a large flat screen television for movies or television, and a place where I can retreat to be alone or spend time with people who are invited into my private sanctuary (like Erin or CAMPER or close friends and some family), but more a place that is dedicated to books and my writing and ideas and dreams and adventure and imagination in a way that no other room or place can exist for me because those places really don’t exist.

One result in all of this is a notion of: SOMEDAY; and a notion of: WHAT IF? in both cases, I enjoy the fantasy, and in both cases I realize that it is just fantasy and that I get to continue to work and develop and hope that someday Erin and CAMPER and I will find ourselves in a slightly better position where, maybe – just maybe, our lives will allow us to explore some of the dreams I have for our future.

Real Heroes Fly ]]> http://www.johnhattaway.com/2009/06/the-long-something/feed/ 0 http://www.johnhattaway.com/2009/06/searching-for-a-state-of-equilibrium/ http://www.johnhattaway.com/2009/06/searching-for-a-state-of-equilibrium/#comments Thu, 25 Jun 2009 00:07:48 +0000 smokingpen http://www.johnhattaway.com/?p=1901 I’ve found that some of the things I want to be doing compared to many of the things I need to be doing have kept me out of a state of equilibrium for some time. Months. I like the idea of writing blog entries and have noted that the number of hits I receive a month is directly proportional to the number of posts I publish. On top of which, my search rankings are lower when I don’t update as frequently. I would imagine, when I get to a state of popularity from publishing or some such that the direct outcome will be a lot of people intentionally searching for me and clicking through my website which will result in the ability to be lazier and still have traffic; however, at the moment, if I want traffic I have to do what is required to get that traffic.

Since I am not doing what is necessary I am writing about the why not.

In this case I find I have several things that sit, in some stage or another, on my metaphorical plate (I actually dislike the analogy). I have family, professional, educational, and obligations to self that all require a piece of my time. My family, and by that I am defining family as Erin and CAMPER, require individual attention and time. I cannot just assume that by spending time with CAMPER while Erin is in proximity that I have sufficiently spent time with her. As a result, I find myself making time for both my wife and child and making sure I spend time with them.

Along with family resposibilities I have work responsibilities. To some extent these overlap in that I am the provider and have to work to make money so that we can afford to pay bills and buy food. Previously to my current job I was working at Wal-Mart (formerly “this place“) on the graveyard shift. Because of that, I slept during the day, didn’t really care to be awake on the weekends though I chose to alter my sleeping habits to, again, spend time with my family. As a result of not being awake when Erin and CAMPER were, I looked for and found another position where I work during the day and can now sleep at night. This is better but at the same time I have to give away some of my day to a commute that equals about three hours of time. I am in a better position than I was with Wal-Mart, but still searching for a state of equilibrium.

Along with family and work I have responsibilities to my degree – specifically a Master’s of Fine Arts in Writing. This program requires me to spend quite a few hours a day writing and reading and revising and writing and revising and reading and etc. and etc. with the outcome. Granted, everything gets to be set aside in about twenty-five days for ten days where I will be nicely sequestered on an island at a Franciscan Retreat Center talking about writing. After the retreat and residency I will have to find time (that may not exist) to write and read and revise and make sure that my novel actually does get written and revised and made ready for publication.

Finally, I have responsibilities to myself. I think this is the least defined as I want to spend time with Erin and CAMPER and I want to go to school and I need to (and to some extent want to) go to work. Along with all of that I need to start taking care of my body so that my IBS doesn’t get worse. The doctor think Yoga and meditation will help and Erin is currently looking for a Yoga class on a Saturday that I can start attend and that we can afford.

The outcome to all of this is not that I don’t realize what is needed or wanted or necessary, but that I haven’t found the magic combination of time and management and energy that will allow me to find the state of equilibrium that will also allow me to spend a few minutes (or more) updating the blog and making sure I expand my readership rather than have people who get here from Erin’s website or by spending some time searching for something like Assateague Island or Roommate Etiquette or the White Screen of Death on my Macbook.

Real Heroes Fly ]]> http://www.johnhattaway.com/2009/06/searching-for-a-state-of-equilibrium/feed/ 0 http://www.johnhattaway.com/2009/06/what-suffers/ http://www.johnhattaway.com/2009/06/what-suffers/#comments Thu, 11 Jun 2009 00:32:48 +0000 smokingpen http://www.johnhattaway.com/?p=1896 As you will have noted, I don’t do a lot of updating of late. Part of the reason has been work. Another part of the reason is personal. Without details, because, honestly, they don’t matter, as things change in my life I seem to neglect the blog and a few other areas that, at times, are important to me. Fortunately, the blog will keep and will remind me (on occasion) that I am neglecting it. The other things are just that, things. As a result, I look for some measure of equilibrium in my life, attempt to move forward, and hope (and pray) that things will work out in the end.

I am excited, and enjoying, the new job. I do have a commute and that gives me a lot of time to mentally work through things. I am starting the MFA program on July 19 and already have the time off. Erin and I are considering going to the Palmyra Pageant, she was in it for a couple of years, and if we do I hope it is better than the last pageant we went to. With all of that out of the way, I am happy, healthy, and excited to see CAMPER continue to grow, develop, and learn to communicate. He can, and will, sit and make noises as though he is talking for long periods of time. On top of which he is legitimately excited to see me and Erin and that makes all of the nights of little or no sleep and the other headaches that are related to having a child totally worth it.

To wit, I am happy with my life and excited for when Erin and I get to move forward with our plans, education, and the future.

The outcome, though, is that the blog may continue to suffer as I adapt and change and as work, life, and school take precedence.

Real Heroes Fly ]]> http://www.johnhattaway.com/2009/06/what-suffers/feed/ 0