John Hattaway » experience

Toward the end of 2009

smokingpen — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 02:55:46 +0000

Another year has come and gone. CAMPER is now going on 18 months, he surpassed the one year mark and is now trying to walk. Which is pretty cool to watch. He is also trying to speak and rambles on in baby-babble for long periods of time, especially when he is upset over something and needs to get it off his chest.

Erin and I have spent the past year in Massachusetts. During that time I took all of the tests for Massachusetts Teacher Licensure and passed. This was a bit of a surprise. Out of the three tests I knew I would pass two of them. When I got word that I passed the third I was surprised and excited and I know Erin was as well.

After a little less than six months as a graduate student (Masters of Fine Art in Creative Writing), I feel that things are finally clicking. I head back to school two days after Christmas. That goes through the New Year. I am actually getting excited for the next residency, meeting new people, seeing the ones I now know, and building that writing community that will (God willing) allow me to move forward as a writer.

I did start a couple of writing projects that I am a little excited about and that others are far more excited about. When I am in a position (meaning I have written a hell of a lot more) to share I will. One of the things I’ve learned over the past months is, first, to ask, “Why?” something exists within the context of what I am writing; and, second, that I am really bad about completing things that I start.

As a result of the past year, I think I’ve become frustrated with the state of politics, the state of the economy, the state of my life, and the state of the kinds of jobs I seem to be getting. Presently, I am working in Loss Prevention and even though the nature of the job is enjoyable and educational; the amount I am paid and the stress of the position don’t really work for my overall sanity. Regardless, it pays the bills.

In any case, the past year has been good and I think I need to be better at writing on my blog. I have an app on my iPhone that allows me to update and I should use it more. Going into the next year, I am hoping for a better job. To teach somewhere. And to finally do what I keep putting off – writing something that should be published and then be paid to have it published.

I realize there isn’t a lot of coherence to this. Consider, though, that it is an update and for anyone who still comes about, the coherence will come in time.

John Hattaway | smokingpen | Alicia Grey | Clockwork Princess | Cassandra West

Real Heroes Fly

Ender’s Island and Fairfield University

smokingpen — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 18:47:28 +0000

I have now started (I think it’s safe to say that) my Master’s of Fine Arts in Writing program as I am sitting in my room on Ender’s Island in the residence hall and have walked around the not very large island, used the bathroom, noted the pipes running across the top of the bridge coming to the island, and spoken to the staff as well as the faculty about the excitement over this semester. For those interested, this MFA-Writing program is brand new for Fairfield University. Erin suggested it to me after seeing something about it, I looked into the first semester (which I believe I would’ve been accepted for had I tried) and ended up waiting for the second semester to allow my student status shift from Undergraduate to Graduate for financial aid purposes. More, I needed some time away from classwork, school reading, and formal education before leaping back into the pit-slash-fire. To wit, I was also (and am still) looking for a full-time job that allows me to take time off for this, would allow Erin and I to assume a larger portion of the financial obligation OR pay off other student debt (while incurring this) and be comfortable and prepared in a new position for the foreseeable future.

As a result, life needed to get started up again before I started down this road.

With all of that said, I think I am a little anxious over the start of this program and wondering what it will feel like at the end of the residency? I guess time will tell if I make fast friends or this is something I do for four semesters before moving on to teaching and/or whatever else comes next. Right this moment, I am a little over-interested in what is happening around me.

Oh, and if I remember, and if I can force myself to do it, I will try to add pictures to a blog post so people can see where I am at and what I am doing.

John Hattaway | smokingpen | Alicia Grey | Clockwork Princess | Cassandra West

Real Heroes Fly

The Long Something

smokingpen — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 01:01:09 +0000

I think I often have great plans to do big things. I think some of those big things include my blog and making it more popular and more accessible. Point, I started at the earliest posts editing them so that the links all went somewhere, images were either updated or deleted, and they cross-referenced older posts. I worked on that for a few days, got about fifty or so posts in, realized I had something like 1000 to go through, and thought to myself, “Someday I will have enough money I can pay someone to do that.” Truth told, I still harbor that plan and I don’t think I will ever actually get around to doing anything with it.

Erin and I were speaking the other day, as we do every day, about stuff when she pointed out something I’d been thinking about for a couple of weeks. I have two things in my life that I am more likely than not to spend money one – heck, if I am having a bad time for long enough and sooner or later I am going to spend money on one or the other or both – the first are books and the second is software. Now, I am not a software person in the sense that I will buy games galore; however, I am a software person where I will purchase and use something for writing or organization or project management and see how it works and then draw up plans on how I might make changes and then wish or dream those beautiful dreams about how, when I have enough disposable income (or an investor) I will change the face of the internet and off-line computing with my ideas. Heck, not too long ago I came up with the next billion dollar idea that will (probably) never see the light of day from me because . . . well, my reasons are my own.

As for books, before Erin (b.E.), I think between 1/4 and 1/2 of my income went to the acquisition of books. I spent a lot of money at Borders and Amazon.com that it justified and probably (without spending more money) could inherently justify having Amazon Prime for some years. Fortunately, I still spend money at Amazon.com and, when time and our finances permit, I can spend some money at Borders as well. Most often, though, Borders comes in the form of gift cards and Amazon.com comes in the form of gift certificates and school money so that I can expand my collection of, and knowledge on, books about writing and etc. However, in the days of b.E. I spent a considerable amount of money that would lead one to believe I have a considerable number of books – and yes, I have some; but at the same time I also cull the books I buy, selling some online, taking others to used bookstores and selling them there, and still others I give away to people I think will like (and cherish) them more than me.

The outcome to all of this is another one of those grand plans: I would love to have a house with a room that is a couple or three stories tall, with a special observation area at the very top, with books from floor to ceiling and round cast iron stair cases and my desk in the very middle of the room. With windows that could darken at the touch of a button, a large flat screen television for movies or television, and a place where I can retreat to be alone or spend time with people who are invited into my private sanctuary (like Erin or CAMPER or close friends and some family), but more a place that is dedicated to books and my writing and ideas and dreams and adventure and imagination in a way that no other room or place can exist for me because those places really don’t exist.

One result in all of this is a notion of: SOMEDAY; and a notion of: WHAT IF? in both cases, I enjoy the fantasy, and in both cases I realize that it is just fantasy and that I get to continue to work and develop and hope that someday Erin and CAMPER and I will find ourselves in a slightly better position where, maybe – just maybe, our lives will allow us to explore some of the dreams I have for our future.

John Hattaway | smokingpen | Alicia Grey | Clockwork Princess | Cassandra West

Real Heroes Fly

Searching for a State of Equilibrium

smokingpen — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 00:07:48 +0000

I’ve found that some of the things I want to be doing compared to many of the things I need to be doing have kept me out of a state of equilibrium for some time. Months. I like the idea of writing blog entries and have noted that the number of hits I receive a month is directly proportional to the number of posts I publish. On top of which, my search rankings are lower when I don’t update as frequently. I would imagine, when I get to a state of popularity from publishing or some such that the direct outcome will be a lot of people intentionally searching for me and clicking through my website which will result in the ability to be lazier and still have traffic; however, at the moment, if I want traffic I have to do what is required to get that traffic.

Since I am not doing what is necessary I am writing about the why not.

In this case I find I have several things that sit, in some stage or another, on my metaphorical plate (I actually dislike the analogy). I have family, professional, educational, and obligations to self that all require a piece of my time. My family, and by that I am defining family as Erin and CAMPER, require individual attention and time. I cannot just assume that by spending time with CAMPER while Erin is in proximity that I have sufficiently spent time with her. As a result, I find myself making time for both my wife and child and making sure I spend time with them.

Along with family resposibilities I have work responsibilities. To some extent these overlap in that I am the provider and have to work to make money so that we can afford to pay bills and buy food. Previously to my current job I was working at Wal-Mart (formerly “this place“) on the graveyard shift. Because of that, I slept during the day, didn’t really care to be awake on the weekends though I chose to alter my sleeping habits to, again, spend time with my family. As a result of not being awake when Erin and CAMPER were, I looked for and found another position where I work during the day and can now sleep at night. This is better but at the same time I have to give away some of my day to a commute that equals about three hours of time. I am in a better position than I was with Wal-Mart, but still searching for a state of equilibrium.

Along with family and work I have responsibilities to my degree – specifically a Master’s of Fine Arts in Writing. This program requires me to spend quite a few hours a day writing and reading and revising and writing and revising and reading and etc. and etc. with the outcome. Granted, everything gets to be set aside in about twenty-five days for ten days where I will be nicely sequestered on an island at a Franciscan Retreat Center talking about writing. After the retreat and residency I will have to find time (that may not exist) to write and read and revise and make sure that my novel actually does get written and revised and made ready for publication.

Finally, I have responsibilities to myself. I think this is the least defined as I want to spend time with Erin and CAMPER and I want to go to school and I need to (and to some extent want to) go to work. Along with all of that I need to start taking care of my body so that my IBS doesn’t get worse. The doctor think Yoga and meditation will help and Erin is currently looking for a Yoga class on a Saturday that I can start attend and that we can afford.

The outcome to all of this is not that I don’t realize what is needed or wanted or necessary, but that I haven’t found the magic combination of time and management and energy that will allow me to find the state of equilibrium that will also allow me to spend a few minutes (or more) updating the blog and making sure I expand my readership rather than have people who get here from Erin’s website or by spending some time searching for something like Assateague Island or Roommate Etiquette or the White Screen of Death on my Macbook.

John Hattaway | smokingpen | Alicia Grey | Clockwork Princess | Cassandra West

Real Heroes Fly

On Being Boys

smokingpen — Tue, 19 May 2009 23:39:12 +0000

I think one of the biggest disservices this generation will be tried for in the court of history is the disservice we give to our little boys. In a period of not so many years, we have moved from a position where we treat and teach boys to be boys to a practice where we attempt to nurture the nature out of them and in turn cause them to be more like little girls. Is it any wonder that more and more children are on mood altering drugs and anti-depressants. What’s more, I can guarantee you that all youth oriented shootings are connected with the use of Ritalin and other medications because people don’t know how to treat little boys.

There are differences between men and women, boys and girls.

This becomes even more important and Erin and I try to do what is right AND best for CAMPER – a little boy. As a result, Erin has been reading books on raising little boys because (in case you weren’t aware of this) she’s never been one and doesn’t understand them. Because she is interested in, and concerned about, making sure CAMPER is raised the correct way, we are also concerned with knowing what activities and behaviors are specific to little boys. One of the key ingredients to being a little boy is testosterone and one of the results of testosterone production is aggressive behavior. The outcome is that we can expect that our son will exhibit, in some fashion or another, aggressive behavior. This has already been evidenced in some of his behaviors as he’s learned to sit on his own and play with toys: he throws things, hard, and he throws himself to the ground. Because he is a little boy, this is not (necessarily) dangerous behavior, it is behavior we have to expect and watch for as we have him in different places and positions from his bed to our bed to the changing table to sitting on our laps.

Boys, as the old saying goes, will be boys.

One of the books Erin has been reading, and that I’ve picked up and started reading, is titled: The Wonder of Boys by Michael Gurian. In this book he identifies, as a result of his work, three things every little boy needs to grow up to be a man. They are being brave, truthful, and good.

What I find amazing about this is that society would tell us to ignore these traits and attempt to raise little boys like we would little girls, give them dolls to play with, stifle the natural energies, and in the end stop them from becoming what evolution and biology have dictated they need to be. Rather than attempting to harness the natural exuberance and energy of little boys into appropriate behaviors by teaching them proper outlets, we teach them that the feelings and energies and behaviors are inappropriate and by extension wrong. In short, we are more kind to little girls than to little boys and we stress that little boys are inherently wrong by being born with the XY chromosome pairing.

One reason why this is important (today) is a news article I read and skimmed through over at YAHOO! News: Author’s tales of manly men a little too macho. The title, which is one of the reasons I read the article, presupposes that by representing an ideal of what men are supposed to be, this is somehow causing a diservice to boys. The article doesn’t refute that statement and supports in a couple of places. Instead of talking about the collection of (mostly) true stories, the reviewer really feels that this book is unecessary. And yet, I ask, where do our little boys look to find examples of upstanding men they can emulate?

This is actually a problem. I don’t have any heroes. At times in my life I have wondered who I could go to for guidance on some of the things I was feeling or what was happening to and around me that made me wonder if it was me, was my gender, or was even normal. As a child I learned to research answers in part because I didn’t trust or was not confident enough to approach the sources that were available to me. As much as it hurts to admit, even my older brother failed me as a role model when I needed one. The outcome is that I was raised in a confusing environment where I wondered, constantly, if the thoughts and feelings I went through were appropriate, normal, or even socially acceptable.

On top of this, I have watched as others have decided to raise their children in gender-neutral environments and have been told, in no uncertain terms, that I was not allowed to define for boys what it means to be a boy. As a result, I watch as some of the confusions I felt are being exhibited by other boys (some of whom I am related to). The outcome is, quite honestly, a little stressful as I consider what is good, bad, or otherwise for CAMPER.

One of the things that I found interesting, recently, was Robert Baden-Powell, the founder of the Boy Scout movement, asked Rudyard Kipling if he could use some of the Jungle Book stories in his scout manual to help illustrate for the young men in scouting what it means to be a boy and a grown-up. These stories, beyond anything else, represent courage and self-reliance. They are exactly the kinds of stories I would want to share with CAMPER when he gets old enough. I also want to share fairy tales and books and novels and personal experiences and as a result, I want him to find a whole series of places he can go to not only find men to emulate – to include his grandfather’s and uncles and others, but also to know that I understand what it means to be confused by the very nature of the way society would have us behave.

As a result, I would suggest to the reviewer of the book, as well as others, that we do need stories – even fantastic ones, that help define the qualities and traits of being a man for little boys. We do need to not only define but encourage gender differences. And as a result, we also need to help our little boys channel those differences into healthy and socially acceptable areas that, in turn, allow them to be upstanding and strong members of society.

I don’t know about other people, but I believe CAMPER should have a real sense of what it means to be brave, truthful, and courageous and to that end I will encourage books and stories and experiences that help him define, for himself, what all of that means.

John Hattaway | smokingpen | Alicia Grey | Clockwork Princess | Cassandra West

Real Heroes Fly

Generic Updates

smokingpen — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 03:07:33 +0000

As I wrote that title, I had images of growing up in Texas and going to the H.E.B for food and then heading down the generic isle that was filled with white boxes, black lettering, ingredients, and a barcode. Because teenagers aren’t all that creative, one of the things we ended up doing was putting barcodes on our shirts and clothes as an emblem of our generictude. However, the outcome of all of this is that you could get cheese snacks, crackers, cookies, and all sorts of other things for very little money and it generally tasted good. As this was before the public internet, rumors had it that major food manufacturers made the products and then sold them to grocery stores without advertising or anything else. Other than being something that connects one thought with what I am planning on writing, there is little else that connects the two thought processes (the second of which I haven’t shared yet), and yet I proceed.

For starters (and I will post links when it is done) Erin and I are going to sell her Hyundai Accent. The cost will be $10,000. It’s a 2007 and in great condition. She got a Simonize warranty on it and called the dealer (that sold her the warranty) to find out that we had to take it to a Hyundai authorized retailer who then had to write a letter that was then forwarded to Simonize who would, most likely, send out one of their reps to try and clean the problem and only then would they consider whether or not the problem is covered under the warranty. I have to tell you, not all that promising. Regardless, we put four new All Season tires on the car today, am getting it detailed tomorrow. Taking pictures. And then advertising it for sale tomorrow.

Truth told, we are hoping to end up in England for work. In which case, we will also be selling my car. Though, at present, we are only selling Erin’s.

I am still looking for work. And I am looking for work in England as well as the United States. This does not mean I am going to get a job in England, though, I have to admit, I hope I do. It’s just one of those things. What that means (for you all) is that I have been reworking my resume and will probably create a page with the All Purpose resume or the Technical Writer variant or whatever on this website. I am also thinking of putting up the All Purpose cover letter as well.

On a slightly different tack, I am also going to take a short story I wrote a couple of years ago for a class and post it under /story. My plan for that was this past Sunday (yesterday) but ended up hanging with the fam (Erin and Camper) rather than playing with websites. Truth told, the resume update requires that I change some of the look of the website in order to accomodate the changes and as a result the outcome (e.g. your ability to see it) will take some time. At the same time, I will also be doing some altering for the short fiction I am posting, though that will probably be slightly faster.

I think, for the moment, that shall be it. More tomorrow.

John Hattaway | smokingpen | Alicia Grey | Clockwork Princess | Cassandra West

Real Heroes Fly

Searching for THAT Job

smokingpen — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 23:10:02 +0000

I think it is time to come clean about the job search. The cleanliness of the situation is not that I am searching or have (or haven’t) been for more than six months, but that I am still unemployed and frustrated by it. Why? Well, I went back to school in order to make myself more marketable and to get away from the old methods of finding work and the outcome is that I am not employed as yet and the market stinks (which is what it was doing the last time I was out of work like this) and I am finding it difficult to find work. Fortunately, we are living with Erin’s parents, but I would rather be doing something rather than doing nothing.

Nothing stinks. Though, admittedly, I did pull out Dramatica Pro the other day and decided to use it to outline a parody piece I am working on. More news to come from that later. I realized (earlier today) that I probably needed to read through In the Light of Water and make notes as to what I would like it to be in its next iteration. Though, making myself do that may be harder than one would expect as the play was written for a class and even though I like the idea of the play and would love to see it (in a much later draft) produced somewhere, the outcome is that I have other priorities (at the moment Malcolm Gladwell’s book Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking that followed reading Ally Carter’s I’d Tell You I Love You, But Then I’d Have to Kill You and precedes (me thinks) Lauren Mclaughlin’s Cycler which precedes Rudyard Kipling’s The Jungle Books) which include some extra-curricular writing and looking for a job (which is the purpose of the venting this post is meant to do).

Sometimes I wonder what I did and when that puts me in a situation like this: unemployed. I discovered, again, Monster.com and Dice.com and was introduced to indeed.com where I can do a rather broad employment search based on area and key words. I’ve signed up for recruiting webpages, and for defense contractors, and for companies and for temp agencies, and for a whole host of other possibilities. As stated, I went to the temple and (in part) turned over aspects of this job search to God. Though, my beliefs indicate I still have to do everything I can in order to make ends come together. As a result of that, I ended up going to an “interview” today that consisted of my filling out a lot of paperwork and then being asked, based off of my degree and credentials, whether or not I wanted my resume submitted to a specific company for a three to six month assignment. At the same time, I also got a call this morning requesting my resume to be submitted to a company in south-eastern Massachusetts for a job with a VERY well known company. This means I am getting word back from companies and recruiters and etc. and as a result the hunt isn’t entirely fruitless just difficult.

Who knows, tomorrow is a new day and I may be in a new situation. And, I found a job the other night that I applied for that I really want and have decided I should get and hope (and am also praying) that I am seriously considered to the point of interviewed for the position. Until then, or another company comes along to sweep me off my feet and into the full-time work force, those three to six month assignments will have to do.

John Hattaway | smokingpen | Alicia Grey | Clockwork Princess | Cassandra West

Real Heroes Fly

Generally Themeless

smokingpen — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 23:05:11 +0000

Well, it is January 5, 2009 and I am still jobless. I did finish reading Neil Gaiman’s The Graveyard Book last night and started I’d Tell You I Love You, But Then I’d Have to Kill You by Ally Carter. The first book was amazing and I could see someone making a movie out of it because it’s just that kind of a book. While Carter’s book has started off interestingly, but I am not sure it can carry what she is setting up. I say that with full knowledge that this book sat on the New York Times Best Seller list for, like, forever. And yet, I am curious as to how Carter will sustain her energy in this one. There is a second one (I don’t recall the title and you’d think an Amazon book search would fix that…) is out and has also done relatively well on the New York Times list, from what I understand. The point in this, though, is not that I am reading Y/A chicklit (that is what the second book amounts to) but that I am reading Y/A and books oriented toward children and young adults. There are reasons for this.

Living in Massachusetts has been interesting. I’ve started looking for lore for the area I am in. Mostly online. I think it would help if I went to some local historical society and talked to people about the lore and superstitions and history of the area. I was a little perplexed by a website (I didn’t bother to bookmark it or remember how I got to it) that shared New England Vampire lore. I have to tell you, New England Vampire anything is going to be a rip-off of England lore which is an adaptation of European lore. The author thought (at least in the way it was presented) that he/she was presented new and interesting information when in reality the way he/she was describing vampires as being killed after they are burried is pretty typical for traditional vampire stories. Granted, Hollywood and modern vampire writers (Anne Rice anyone???) have done an interesting disservice to the lore, not that I care much for it – other than what Kim Harrison has written about in her series of books, and maybe a little of how Christopher Moore approached the subject in his book Bloodsucking Fiends, but beyond that I am not all that interested – but to see something so pedestrian being shared as something important and unique to a region of the world where it is not unique is a bit awkward. More, I would’ve been more impressed with a scholarly or an attempted scholarly approach to vampires from a Native American perspective. Interestingly enough, the Native American’s, at least some tribes, do believe in shape shifters, people who can morph into animals and more specifically into wolves or coyotes, and that connects Native American’s to the werewolf phenomenon. Though, in my estimation, it is an interesting if not weak connection.

Regardless… and moving on.

I have, apparently, become a fan of Facebook and have a profile there. What makes this medium interesting (at the very least to me) is the re-connections with high school friends and acquaintances. I’ve been able to get back in touch with different people from way back when as a result of the social networking website. I’ve also gotten back in touch with people I fell out of touch with for various reasons (sometimes intentional) and have found the application to be very interesting especially when people that fell out of touch with me (meaning they initiated it) reconnect to me through the app. I know that at least one of my brothers claims he is on it all the time and updates more there than anywhere else. I guess that’s true as his primary website is no longer active, but still, I don’t think he is as active anywhere as he thinks he is. But, what do I know. Erin is on Facebook as well and is the reason I joined up so she could have her status as being married in the application. It’s taken a bit over a year for me to get the number of friends I’ve got. However, as a result of the social networking site I’ve remembered and found different people that, some months ago, I was trying to remember names and dates and couldn’t, for the life of me, remember any of them. So, you know, life is sweet.

It sounds like Erin and I will be starting an excercise program we can do out of the basement. I discovered, in recent weeks, that I am not happy with the way my body looks and as a result would like to see things change. And I am hoping the 13 week program allows us to feel better, in general, and allows me to feel better about myself. I keep having the thought that stress causes the body to retain fat and makes it harder to lose weight, in general, and that the last six-plus months have been insanely stressful to me (not that job searching isn’t a stressful activity either) and as a result, I’ve let things get too far out of whack. Plus, come the New England thaw I would like to be in a physically fit enough position to purchase and use a road bike for this area. Very green, humid, hilly, and gorgeous.

Tomorrow I turn 35. I share this because I will (probably, though not definintely) become hard for most people to get a hold of. Would be great if some local numbers (e.g. jobs) decided to call me. Beyond that I intend to spend the day with my wife and child. We were, at one point, going to go to the temple down in Manhattan, but medical issues are keeping us closer to home. I am considering going to some temp agencies and seeing what kind of job opportunities they have going on around these parts and then seeing if there is a local office for whatever Massachusetts calls their workforce services. Regardless, I am sure tomorrow will be more of the same and less of the more and I don’t intend to update. Or be on Facebook. Though, as implied, that could be completely bullocks or rubbish on my part and I will update and get on anyway.

John Hattaway | smokingpen | Alicia Grey | Clockwork Princess | Cassandra West

Real Heroes Fly

Defining Moments

smokingpen — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 23:11:39 +0000

I think our lives are filled with defining moments. Those are the moments that change us whether we want them to or not. In Annie Dillard’s Pilgrim at Tinker Creek, a book I am writing a final essay on for one of my classes, it would appear that one of her defining moments, at least through the book, was watching a giant water bug kill and then devour a frog. The element about the frog that she was concerned with throughout her narrative was the frog literally deflating before her eyes. Later she would think about, and write on, the giant water bug and that it was consumed into nature, dead and dispersed, and asks what the purpose of the giant water bug killing and then eating the frog. In my essay I use this as an example of change as the result of journey. Dillard’s journey was wandering around Tinker Creek and her musings about what she sees, and the change is questioning what the purpose of life is when frogs and giant water bugs and even people can want to live and yet die as a result of the actions of other people, other creatures, and even the weather. She ends up talking about those who pray to god for their daily bread and end up dying from wont of food.

Whether or not Pilgrim at Tinker Creek had the impact on Annie Dillard that a careful reading of the book would imply it does (and, “No,” I don’t think it does), the implication of the book, its finding, is a defining moment for some people. For example, the professor whose class I am reading the book was changed as a result of his reading sections of the book and then the book as a whole. His change was awe and wonder at how someone could write a book with so much added into it. One of his dream projects would be to go through and chart every reference she makes both directly quoted and paraphrased. In class he spent a great deal of time going through sections talking about what she was doing and who she was referencing and quoting. Annie Dillard likes to keep copious notes on things and as a result, her notes led to what she wrote, and what she wrote, though nearly abandoned, was the outcome of the notes and observations and less a product of a wonderful or strong memory, though I would imagine she does have one.

Some defining moments in my life have been less about the literature or books I’ve read and more about what has happened at the same time I am reading different things. For example, at age 14 I picked up Robert Jordan’s The Eye of the World, book one of The Wheel of Time series, and was transformed. Part of that transformation took place as I read the book over a family vacation where we drove from Texas to Utah and spent time not only with my maternal grandparent’s but also with different friends of my parents. We saw a salt mine, I tasted unprocessed salt for the first time, I ran into a skunk, and I had an old man tell me I should read less and pay more attention to nature and what we were allegedly doing. That was one of the last trips in that family van we would take as my parents purchased a mini-van and we started using that (more fuel efficient I would imagine).

Another defining moment was the day I realized I was actually going to serve a mission. No, that was not when I received a mission call, but when I was seventeen and had an experience that caused me to re-align my life in a way that allowed me to be able to serve a mission. Before then, and for some years, I told people that I wasn’t planning on serving and suddenly, with advance warning, I was now preparing to do exactly what young men in my church were required to do. Not all young men did it. I chose to do it. And as a result, the defining elements of my mission was babysitting other missionaries who didn’t really want to be on a mission, who, on occasion, wanted to be in or on the water, and who were biding time until they went home. At one point I had three missionaries going home at the same time and was saddled with two who wanted to be water skiing and one who stayed on the mission not because he believed the church anymore, but because he was guilted into it.

These are things I remember. They are the moments that as I look back at my life I wonder what I was like before the events took place. More recently, the decision to take a philosophy class led to multiple philosophy classes and to meeting and marrying Erin. Erin becomes a defining moment for me as I had gotten to a point in life where I didn’t believe I would ever find someone I could marry, let alone someone I would and did marry. The events that surround her are interesting. For example, the house I was living in, at the time, ended up catching on fire and was pretty well gutted. I had to move, lived with Jared and his family and Jordan for a while, and then moved into the old doll musem in Provo the owners had turned into a series of rooms for their grandsons and others to live in.

I remember a writer’s defining moment when I was just starting into kindergarten and my mother was watching some children during the day to bring in additional money. As I was leaving the house, somehow one of those other kids had Green Eggs and Ham and I remember thinking two things: 1) that I wanted to stay home rather than go to school, because school was boring; and 2) that I wanted to write something like Green Eggs and Ham. Now, over the years I’ve come to realize that I don’t want to be a Dr. Seuss, but the desire and drive to write has never left me. At times, there have been other authors who have risen up and inspired me. More recently, reading Cormac McCarthy’s All the Pretty Horses was a changing moment, though probably not as changing as when I first was able to read Green Eggs and Ham. Even more broadly than specific writers, looking at popular literary topics and asking a simple question, “What would that be like if you took it back to its core elements,” and then working forward has been a very real defining moment to my writing.

There are a lot more defining moments, September 11, 2001, going back to college, CAMPER being born, finding out Erin was pregnant, and on and on

John Hattaway | smokingpen | Alicia Grey | Clockwork Princess | Cassandra West

Real Heroes Fly

What I Hear…

smokingpen — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 03:54:35 +0000

In 1994 I met a man I shall call STEVE… no, wait, David since that’s his name. Anyway, during one of the many conversations with David, and after he handed me a book to read, he said to me, “Authors who only use “he said,” and, “she said,” when writing dialogue aren’t very creative.” As a result, whenever I sit down to write dialogue and I use, “he said,” and, “she said,” or even the character’s name with said I remember what David said to me and I have to shove it aside. Part of the reason an author uses “he said,” and, “she said,” is so that the speaker is identified and the reader can skim over that part. It becomes a part of speech. And yet, I still hear David’s voice in my head when I sit down to write something that requires dialogue.

I hear my mother’s voice every time I swear or think about writing dialogue with potentially vulgar language. I know as I do this that certain words and phrases are necessary to get across a specific meaning, but my mother telling me, “Swearing is the sign of a weak mind.” Granted, I try not to swear as it is also socially unacceptable in various forms of speech and, honestly, and regardless of what Hollywood wants us to believe, is not as prevalent in our language, but still, whenever I swear or whenever I sit down and I write it out, I hear my mother’s voice.

Erin told me earlier today that whenever she gets into our closet she hears me say, “Clothes need room to breathe,” and then continues doing whatever it was she’d gotten into the closet to do. Granted, our clothes still don’t have room to breathe because we have too many of them and not enough space, but that doesn’t change the nature of the voice that Erin hears.

When I get behind the wheel of almost any vehicle, I hear the words of the man who taught me to drive a truck telling me, “When you look at the road directly in front of you, you swerve back and forth, but when you look at the road a half-mile in front of you, you drive a straight line.” I cannot drive for any length or distance or around any corner where I don’t hear that voice.

More, when I decide to drive faster than the speed limit I hear my dad’s voice, “Police sit at the bottom of hills and around corners so that they catch you when you are driving the fastest.” Interestingly, knowing that police are looking for speeding cars doesn’t always deter my speeding, but it does deter my speeding when I can’t see sufficiently far enough down the road.

When it comes to thoughts related to changing my hair in any radical way, I hear a man I know’s voice (and I am not sharing a name this time) telling me, “It is innapropriate to wear radical hair styles,” and I (used to) think a few different times before making any serious changes to hair color, length, or style.

This is a pattern that seems to repeat itself over and over again. Even in some of the most benign ways, whenever someone speaks or whenever I do something that doesn’t appear to matter, I hear a different voice giving me different pearls of wisdom that I either have had to accept or reject but still shows back up whenever I go about my every day life. I think, in some small way, these pearls result in my considering what it is I should be doing.

Interesting, huh?

John Hattaway | smokingpen | Alicia Grey | Clockwork Princess | Cassandra West

Real Heroes Fly