Over the weekend Erin, CAMPER, and I went to a memorial service for a friend of mine. No, he wasn’t my age. In fact, he was in his 80′s or 90′s and was someone I expected to pass on, due to complications in his health, several years ago. I expected, regardless of where I was in the world, that I would put everything aside for a few days and head to New Hampshire to offer my condolences to his widow and participate, even if only at the back of the service, in whatever funeral or memorial was planned. As a result, when I was told he had severe internal bleeding I realized the time was close. A few days after the internal bleeding I was informed he was dead and a few days later told when the memorial service would be held.
Goodbye, Robert.
Robert was one of those people everyone claims they want to know and yet, no one wants to go out of their way to know. He had a lot of very real, very thought out, and in some cases, very offensive opinions. One of the things he believed in was the Constitution of the United States and as a result – and like many others – was enamored of the Second Ammendment, the right to bear arms.
When I moved to New Hampshire with my friends and their children, I didn’t know anyone. I quickly learned that being in New Hampshire could be considered a mistake not because I was there but because I was there alone. Sure, I had friends, but the truth of the matter was (and is) that if anything went sour or south I would be on my own and I didn’t have much (or any) of a backup plan. The outcome was taking a poor paying job, praying for the future, and hoping that as time passed I would find myself in a better situation.
As a result, Robert and Laverne, his wife, were the people that decided to try and fellowship me. It actually started, one day, when I noted Robert putting in a hearing aid and then adjusting it with a separate remote. Truth is, he had several hearing aids for different purposes and the one that had the remote was for listening to people speak. He had another one for music and the result of all of that was me being able to tease him about turning it off on a whim when he was done listening, which he did on occasion.
When it became clear, after about a year, that I wasn’t going to be in New Hampshire any more Robert decided that I needed a proper education. He was a well read man and as stated he had his own opinions on government, politics, news, books, education, and more. So, I agreeed to drive out to his house once a week on Saturday’s for a lesson and homework assignment that dealt with his opinions on the direction of the country, ethnicities, the constitution and laws, and more. It was an interesting experience and over the course of (probably) three months I learned a lot about how Robert worked, thought, and I could see how someone would strongly disagree with the man about almost everything.
As that time was coming to an end and I was preparing to move to finish my undergraduate, Laverne took me aside one day and said, “I wanted to thank you for coming out here and listening to Robert. You may not agree with every he had to say, but he needed to share that with someone and his own sons won’t listen to him.” I smiled and gave her a hug and that was pretty much that.
The thing that made Robert such a wonderful person wasn’t his opinions on government or laws or races or ethnicities or a lot of other things I disagree with. What made him special and is that he was sincere in his desire to live standards he knew were important. When I say he and his wife befriended me, they did. They touched my life and adopted me in a way that I needed and was not over-bearing. They were friends when I needed friendship and couldn’t find it anywhere else. They were people who encouraged me, even though the things I was doing may not have seemed logical or even feesable given age and experience. They were also the people who introduced me to the inhuman treatment of lobstah (and who helped me realize I don’t like that kind of seafood).
After his death I was told Robert decided to be cremated. Not a decision I would make, but also something that completely fit his personality.
The trip was worth it. We woke up early, got ready, grabbed CAMPER, and headed off. We got to listen to people say a lot of nice things about Robert and then give our condolensces to Laverne and his two boys. It was a wondeful day that ended with me feeling more tired, more drained, and more emotionally taxed than I realized was happening.
Robert was definitely someone I needed to know and someone I will miss.
Until we meet again, Robert.
John Hattaway | smokingpen | Alicia Grey | Clockwork Princess | Cassandra West
Real Heroes Fly