Priorities
I am offering the world my list of priorities. These are the things, and to some extent the order of priority, that I take into consideration when making some of the choices I make. Believe it or not, different priorities will leap to the top of the list that seem rather low. That is because I also realize that different people have different levels of need at different times and as a result of that, I will change my priorities accordingly.
What is interesting to me is that I have touched up on this before.
1.) Family:
In this context my priority is specifically Erin and codename: CAMPER. Erin first, CAMPER second. There should be no secrets about this to anyone. “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” (Genesis 2: 24) This scripture is repeated in Matthew, Mark, Moses, and Abraham. What I take from this is that even if I were a self-serving individual, the moment I married my self-servedness would include my wife as religion dictates that we become one (in the eyes of God) after marriage. Not only that, but we agree through the marriage covenant that we will leave our parents and begin doing things together rather than separately. This includes having a family. Where before marriage I should, and rightfully so, be concerned with myself and providing for myself; once I become married I change that focus to include wife and then child(ren). Anyone who considers this an inappropriate or wrong priority needs to refocus on their own priorities.
2.) Religion:
This priority may not be the same one for everyone. But it is one that, given different names, everyone has high on their list. Religion, for me, is literally a religion. In my, and my families case, that religion is Mormonism or The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. What we often forget, and what many use as an excuse, is that we find God through religion. And you find God through God’s organized religion and sermons and relationships with others who share similar beliefs. To some degree every faith on the planet regardless of where it exists worships and seeks after signs of a living God. Give that god a name and you will know of whom you seek. However, regardless of religious faith or sect or location or even if your religion is that of the NFL, NBA, NRA, or RNC and DNC you will follow your God. The bible, especially the Law of Moses, talks about not worshipping false idols and when you listen in church sooner or later someone is going to draw attention to the television and people who focus their lives and/or priorities around TV. I think this is accurate for such a small percentage of any population that the connection rarely works, but there are people who are converted to different ideas that don’t include organized religion and in some cases might qualify in this area.
3.) Writing:
I have never hidden the fact that I make writing a priority in my life. Writing fiction and more recently writing essays are one of the more important things to me. This has not changed and at almost all times in my life, when I’ve been around siblings or parents or even (now) Erin and codename: CAMPER, writing still takes a certain amount of my time and there is absolutely no getting around that. This is what happens when an individual is almost solely focused on specific areas. For as long as I can remember and at least all the way back to Virginia when my family lived there all I have ever wanted to be is a writer, all I have ever wanted to do is write, and the outcome is that I am focused specifically in that area. In order to obtain my goals I have to write and in order to write it has to be a priority.
4. ) Work:
Right now my work priority is school. I get up, go to class, read lots of books, write papers, outline projects, and make sure that by December 19 I have sufficiently accomplished my goal by graduating. I will, to a large extent, continue my education after my undergraduate. When it is necessary or essential, I work a job. Recently I’ve gone on terminal leave with the job on campus and don’t honestly expect to be back because of other more urgent needs at the moment. With that said, when I am not in school, my working full-time and providing for myself, my wife, and my child(ren) is the high priority. I wonder at what point in my life I will find a career and be happy for the unforeseeable long-term; however, at the same time, I am happy to get up and do what is necessary to make sure we have the money necessary to pay bills and have a little left over for savings and some of the things that Erin and I want and need to do with our lives. At some point, writing fiction or essays may be how we make our money, but at present reality and life indicate that my priority in this area is that I work jobs that I am qualified for, that fall within my functional capacity, and that my overall and specific flexibility allows me to function within.
5.) Family:
Yes. This is a second priority with the same title. And yet, I have more of a family than Erin and codename: CAMPER. This family includes my parents and brother’s and sister’s and to some extent Erin’s parent’s and brother and by a much further extension cousin’s. The farther, genetically, you move away from me (and Erin) the lower this priority falls. However, I do realize and recognize that family is a priority and before marriage siblings (and parents) took a much higher priority in my life because, quite honestly, I had not “[left] my mother and father …,” yet. As a result, I could focus on areas that appeared more important, which also meant that I was more available to run to the hospital and sit with a sick sibling for hours on end, or run to a treatment facility and sit with a dying grandparent, or run to Colorado and help my parents (who, interestingly enough, are not sick), or one of a host of other things to include digging out water mains or dry walling or pouring cement or running cable or watching children or watching dogs or a lot of other things. This priority falls lower not because it is any less important, but it has to be weighed against higher priorities that affect my wife and child(ren) and our future stability.
6.) Friends:
Friendship is an interesting thing to me. I do not combine this with family and I do not prioritize it at the same level as family. That’s because it’s not family. These are people I choose to associate with and under different circumstances, there are people I no longer choose to associate with. The associations with these people are the result of choice and as a result I can walk away from someone whom I consider a friend and not think about it again. Whereas I cannot walk away from family and not consider the consequences of stopping a relationship or even wanting to stop a relationship. There are ways where family, in this context, lowers itself to the level of friends and that is when a family member elevates friendship above family and chooses to support something that, really, means absolutely nothing while ignoring family obligations. The reason this is true is that I will elevate and reprioritize based on immediate need and circumstances and I will de-evelate based on other people’s choices. In this context, I think stating something to the effect of, “I can’t hear you because your actions are screaming louder than your words,” seems appropriate. What is important here is that I will not elevate my friends above family given two equal and immediate needs. Family comes first. And my wife and child(ren) comes first, first.
7.) The stranger on the road:
Yes. This is a priority. It has jumped up and bitten me on my hind-quarters at least once, but I am still concerned with the stranger. Call me a Samaritan. I watch out for other people especially when I am driving. If there is an accident on the road and no one has stopped I will stop. Occasionally, if someone needs a ride, I will offer them a ride. If I am somewhere and it is clear that someone needs money and I have some I will donate money. When I make enough money, I donate to local charities that will use what I donate to help people within the community. On top of that we pay tithing to help the church, and fast-offerings to help people within the church and the community. I recognize this as a priority and I take it seriously. It, however, is one of those things that is prioritized low more because I don’t have the means to always do what I want to do. I hope that this will change in the very near future.
To my way of thinking a list like this should come as no surprise to anyone. Granted, there are people who will assume that because my priorities were different and skewed toward siblings and parents before I got married that I would maintain that as the highest priority. I am sorry to say, that is not the case. I believe that priorities rightfully change over time and as a result, and because it’s not really that convenient, people’s feelings can become hurt. However, it is under these priorities and subsequent obligations that I have made some of the choices in my life because, honestly, at some point in my life, I have to be my own priority.
John Hattaway | smokingpen | Alicia Grey | Clockwork Princess | Cassandra West
Real Heroes Fly
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