The Frustration

My current goal (or at least one that I am sharing) is to get in to an MFA-Writing program at Umass-Amherst. I am going to submit applications to some low-residency programs in the area, as well, and I want a job on a campus (that allows me to take classes for free), but the truth of the matter is the next academic step, for me, is an MFA in writing… I hope.

The problem that has presented itself (internally) is in the writing sample.

“Oh, a writing sample. How hard can that be?” You might find yourself asking.

And I might say, “Good question,” or I might say, “I don’t think that’s what you meant to ask,” or in either case I might just look at you like you have a third eye and boogers hanging out of your nose and a bloody ear and then walk away. Regardless, what I am finding (and one of my goals for the summer) is that I am not coalescing on a writing sample (between 10 and 20 pages) that illustrates my writing skills, shows a direction in writing, and does not include science fiction or fantasy. Which is actually rather sad, though, truth told, as I follow different blogging authors who have MFA’s, the truth is that those authors (who now write science fiction and/or fantasy) didn’t get an MFA based off of what they are currently writing and in many cases (which is true of this form of writing in general) they got an MFA in poetry - ouch!

Poets all turn to fiction sooner or later. I don’t (necessarily) care for poetry. I want to write fiction.

But even that seems to be a little odd to me. One of the reasons is that I start to write something and then I ask myself, “What is the actual capacity of this individual in this scene at this time and how will it affect the next scene and ultimately the end of the book or story?” And then I think, “What craziness can I include in the writing to make things really crazy and out of this world?” And then I have to pull back and decide if what I am playing with is actually what I want to be playing with.

And then I find myself reading something that is completely separated from what I started writing and has nothing to do with fiction or at least the fiction I want to be writing and the outcome, as usual, is that I put everything aside and walk away from it.

Which is, if you are at all interested, rather frustrating.

Frustration has become a central part of what is happening in my life. And how?

Well, I spent the past four months in classes so I could do an entire additional semester (6 + 8 = 14 credit hours) in order to ensure that I graduate in December, which was the only way the English Department (the department my degree is out of) would agree to wave the whole second language thing. A THING I have no aptitude for and yet, tried several times to accomplish. What that means is that as I enter Fall Semester I am facing four classes (3 credit hours a piece equaling a total of 12 credit hours) with a reading list that stretches from here to Saturn and back again. How do I know this? I ordered the books and there are a lot of them. Truth told (or at least in the spirit of full disclosure) I am actually looking forward to some of the reading and it should be fun; but when a class suggests Annie Dillard’s, Pilgrim at Tinker Creek, the outcome for at least one class is not so overwhelmingly positive. How Dillard keeps being read at the college level when she claimed all of her experiences were true only to (ostensibly) start the trend of lying  memoir writers is beyond me. Oh, and I read that one for an entirely different class which is the only reason I believe I may still have it. Will suck if I go home and I don’t. But sure as shootin’ I ain’t plannin’ on buying the darn thing again.

Regardless, I know that the writing sample doesn’t have to be anything groundbreaking or earth-shattering. I get that. And yet, I want it to be good. Really good. I don’t want there to be any question in anyone’s mind, when it is read, that this is something that should be passed over. I want to be accepted because the people making that decision, based off of 10 or 20 pages, can clearly see I know what I am doing and am willing to come to their school and do what I can to make things work the way they need to. I want all of that and more. And I am scared that when I finally do submit something that all I will see are rejection letters.

And that, dear readers, is what is frustrating to me. Though, I have to admit, that watching the hair that was being cut from the top of my head yesterday and seeing all of the white that has replaced my once resplendent red is a little frustrating and I wonder (based off of a conversation last night) if Erin’s pregnancy and the stress associated with it and school and this final semester and a few other things as well as trying to figure out some equations I need to know and how to write up a proposal and a business plan, how all of this plays into my hair quickly turning white?

John Hattaway | smokingpen | Alicia Grey | Clockwork Princess | Cassandra West

Real Heroes Fly