If You Don’t Mind

Last year, some time, Jared and Jordan were going through a phase where they would say, “With all due respect,” when none was meant. It was a way, they said, of getting away with telling someone exactly what you thought without them directly realizing you were trashing them.

With all due respect….

What has caught my attention is someone who calls in and says they are going to do something and then ask, “If you don’t mind?”

My response to that question is, “What if I do mind?” and, “Does it really matter?”

The reasons I have those responses are because I do mind, I don’t want to spend any more time on the phone with an individual than I absolutely have to. AND, they only ask if I mind after they’ve told me I am going to do something and are warning me of the action. The customer doesn’t really care whether or not I mind. That isn’t really the question. What they are saying is, “With all due respect…” and then proceeding to do whatever it is they were planning on doing anyway.

It is the nature of the beast. It is the nature of telephone support.

“Hey,” says anonymous customer, “I am going to eat children.”

“Great,” says anonymous support person, “I will sit here and listen to the children cry and scream as you eat them.”

And yet, people know, whether actively or passively, that when they ask that question they are not going to get an honest answer.

“If you don’t mind,” the customer said.

“But I do mind,” I said and then hung up the phone.

“What did you just do?” the manager asked.

The manage. PAH! They gave me an out. “I hung up the phone.”

“Why?”

“Because they asked if I minded and I did so I hung up.”

“That’s NOT what we pay you for.”

“Sure it is. The customer was helped. I was just sitting there listening to them do… hell if I know… and I got tired of it…, with all due respect.”

“What,” the manager gets a confused look in his face, “oh, well then… you’re right. Good job.”