As many people, I’d hope, would have noticed is the links on the right side of the page. Included, The CIA, now has a rather interesting little game where you can get a personality profile from the U.S.’s clandestine organization. According to the results: Thoughtful Observer. My future, with the CIA, would best be found in analysis. Go figure.

Thursday was Thanksgiving in the U.S. That means that a lot of people stuffed themselves with food to excess. Sat around and watched sporting events. And prepared for the New Year by going into unnecessary debt to celebrate the next holiday, Christmas. Make for a fun weekend.

On top of this there is a possibility that I’ve been exposed to some rash. Apparently, the rash is primarily transmitted through water in hot tubs; but after-the-fact contact can also transfer it from one person to another. Since I have some possible after-the-fact contact, I might wake up sick and itchy. Of course, the thought is making me itch, which I know is psychosomatic at this point. That is the negative; the positive is that if I get up tomorrow without any symptoms I should be okay.

Went to church this morning and got to see my friend Dave, his wife, and their nearly one-year-old son. I haven’t seen them since before the baby was born and it was rather interesting to see him so grown up. Well, as grown up as 11, going on 12, months could allow. I mean, consider Cadence, my niece, she’s small and about two. What makes her on the interesting side isn’t that she’s small, but rather that she is becoming increasingly more vocal and mimics the big people around her. That is kind of what Dave’s son is sort of starting to do, except he’s a year smaller and, as such, really only just now beginning to mimic. For example, Dave would scratch the wall and his son would then try to scratch the wall. This went on for some time. Andy and Debbie described the idea as multiple distractions – you always have to think about how to distract the little ones otherwise they become quickly bored and start to scream and yell and other things.

Explosive diapers come to mind; but I haven’t seen that since we were driving east a couple and a half years ago and so… well… you might get the idea.

The point is really connected. First, children really are the reason to celebrate the holiday season. They add a whole new dimension to the idea and practice of celebration and, in truth, really are the reason that the holidays are celebrated. I’d think that without little people there would be no real celebration of holidays and little observance of them (except by people who are overtly something-or-other-or-something). As a result of people wanting their children to have more/better than they had themselves growing up, they go into some amount of debt to make that happen. The outcome is that you celebrate holidays for children, you go into debt for them, and the outcome is that your life is irrevocably altered because you feel it is more important to shower little people with gifts that they cannot afford.

So, it was Thanksgiving this week. Many blogs have listed their reasons for being thankful and I believe that is a legitimate entry; however, I will refrain from that. In part because I am not, at present, at liberty to share some of what I am thankful for, and in part because I believe an individual should be thankful for their lives and blessings year-round and not merely because someone cooked a turkey, a pork loin, or anything else and served it in a family setting. Granted, this is a time of year that we consider that more than other times, like resolutions and changes at New Year. I will refrain from sharing, but understand that I am thankful and grateful for so very much – especially this year.

John Hattaway | Denny Crane

There I was, minding my own business (not really) when I look up and sitting on my computer screen in the window where my e-mail was being shown (to me) a face from the past. Not literally. I didn’t look at my e-mail and see someone I recognize. In fact, I looked and saw a subject heading that almost caused me too quickly, and decidedly, delete the message. But then I decided to see what had gotten past the filter and who was sending me what, how, where, when, etc. etc.

Gotta be honest, I never expected an e-mail from this particular person. An old girlfriend. Last I’d heard she was getting married. That was over six years ago. Maybe that was precisely six years ago. It doesn’t really matter. She got married, I moved to Salt Lake City. Not in that order. And in the end I’ve walked a pretty lonely and long path from Dallas to Salt Lake to New Hampshire and many places in between.

This is really meant to be an abbreviated entry. I’m not advertising. I’m not opining on anything. I’m not rejoicing or whatever. I’m just saying that I got an unexpected e-mail. I guess what makes the e-mail a bit more remarkable is that in a variety of ways over the preceding week her name has come up in relation to some areas of my life. My mother was describing something to me. I was sharing an experience with someone else in my life. It was used as an example for the whole “break-up stories” thing for the folklore class. There are actually other uses and other examples. Names have been withheld intentionally.

To answer a question: Google ranks pages on a couple of factors. One of those factors is the frequency of updates. Update every day, or multiple times a day, and various keywords on the website will result in a very positive ranking with Google. There are other factors involved in that. Google does not advertise their ranking system or how to improve. However, when a search engine crawls the web it can be intuited that frequency of update and relevance of words/phrases will allow for a higher rank in a search result. With that said, when I state that typing my name (or try Jordan Hattaway) into Google does not bring me up as a top search result, what I am saying is that I have not been updating of late which, in turn, reflects in where Google places my website on a search for my name or for the word StandingWater. If I don’t update I don’t rank as high. I am sure, given Jack’s propensity to have a rather high rank perpetually, that other factors, like using Google as your advertising client, might assist in improving your rankings and odds. The point, though, is that I like to type my name in and see where I land. If I don’t land as high, and I am feeling like updating the website, I mention it.

For a while I’d not been updating. That is slowly turning around. Things have changed in my life. Yes, there was a fire. Yes, I am still, technically, homeless even though I am squatting at Jared’s house. And yes, I am looking for a compatible living situation somewhere else. However, more than that has changed. I am excited. These changes are not publishable. When they are (e.g. more changes and permission granted) I will make them known to the world at large. I am not confused by emotion nor am I feeling a sense of displacement when it comes to writing and what is immediately important or what needs to be written.

I think that will do it.

Denny Crane | John Hattaway

When my life is in some state of recognizable order, I have a series of books that sit on the top shelf of one of my bookshelves and are rarely ever looked at, but sit there because someday I plan to take the wealth of knowledge and experience they contain and apply that to the plot of a story I intend to write.

So, I have these books. Not a large stretch as I have lots of books on lots of different subject; however, when I got up today I went through where the books are thinking that it was a rather hopeless search for one of the books I was looking for (name withheld intentionally) when I opened one of the many tubs that I have, sitting around Jared’s basement, and discovered that I had a stack of religious books AND the stack of books from that shelf. They are not, inherently, positive books. Point in fact, they are actually rather negative books as they deal with the reality of, and history of, violence in a particular area. And yet, as I looked at the top several books on that stack it occurred to me the unnamed book I was looking for would sit with that stack (I inadvertently own at least two copies and possibly as many as four as the parents were loaned at least one copy of the book some years ago that I don’t recall ever receiving back). Point in case, though, is that I could pull out all of the LDS theology books I have, my copies (many plural) of the standard works, some copies of plays that I have, to get to the book I was looking at.

All of this to state that Shel Silverstein, before he became a childrens poet/artist attempted to break into the world of adult illustration and cartoons for Playboy and Penthouse and, as a result, had published some early works that covered some interesting topics. Social satire mostly. The book is called Different Dances and in it he has a series of illustrations that show a woman chained to a man, breaking free only to crawl away from the one man and put a new chain around her neck with another man. The commentary that is being pointed out, at least from what I understand, is that some women find themselves in an abusive relationship, eventually find the strength to break free, only to end up in a new abusive relationship with someone else. It’s a cycle.

The interesting thing, to me, is that this book isn’t really published all that often. Mostly likely it offends the people who want Shel Silverstein to be an upstanding, nice, human being who focused his work and life on children. And yet, it shows that he had an opinion about a lot of things, he had the ability to express that opinion in ways that are, at least to me, effective. And in the end, he was more than what many people take him for.

Just thought people needed to know that. Different Dances. I enjoy what is being said. I think it is effective and necessary for discussion.

So, we are going back to the moon (allegedly) and then on to Mars. This is exciting. However, with that, and some time to think about stuff I think that NASA has the wrong approach when it comes to Lunar Landers. They’ve gone back to the conceptual designs of the 1960’s, which were probably sexy in the day, but in the end don’t really do anything (visually) for us today. Not that a lunar craft experience needs to be visually stunning; but rather, I think the craft has too many variables to it that allows for too much human error, and in the end we may find that the loss of life is not worth the cost of the trip.

Sure. I think it’s a grand idea to go back to the moon. In a different life I might’ve engineered my path so that I could be one of the few, the proud, the marines… err, men and women who are selected to take part in that journey. It’s an exciting time. True adventure and discovery. And yes, I understand that we’ve been to the moon again and again over a period of a bunch of years. Armstrong was the first, he was not the last. But the point is that so few people have been to the moon that it is still a novelty. There by come a time when that is not so much the case.

And then on to Mars.

We are building a craft based off of antiquated designs. There has to be a better way that doesn’t require the craft to separate and reconnect. I mean, come one. NASA. Potentially some of the smartest minds on the planet dealing with corporations who employ more of the smartest minds on the planet. You don’t have to have what you are creating. Yes, I am being persnickety about this. I want to see the whole space program “sexed up” and I want to see America go back to the moon. I do want both of these things and I will be excited to see whatever craft ultimately is designed and deployed into service; but at the moment we are in a stage of our history, our understanding, and the potential for exploration where we can do more with what is there than we have in the past.

Make a real vehicle. Think Star Trek. I mean, look at the ships and emulate. Not the Enterprise because that ship really isn’t feasible; but you can design something more than a pod that sorta carries a couple of people and lands and might take off again and return back to Earth for splashdown. But, as long as I am wishing, and making likely unrealistic suggestions, you can also work on the whole transporter thing so that matter can be sent from the ground to space without that whole vehicle interference thing. AND while I am at it, let’s get real force fields so that allows and heat shields are not as necessary when entering and leaving the atmosphere. Oh, and Warp Speed, or some semblance of “near light” speeds of travel would be grand. Great. Fun. Happy. I’d be happy.

Sports Night was a show on ABC. I’ve written about it before. Anyway, Isaac Jaffe (Robert Guillaume in real life) had been a reporter covering NASA in the 60’s. He said (I paraphrase), draw an “X” on any planet in the galaxy and NASA can land a man on it. I believe that we can do that. And I believe that it costs money. And I believe that if you add requirements, like a sexy space ship, NASA can come to the table and accomplish the task. But they won’t. And why not? Because they are part of a bureaucracy that does not reward advancements and is only interested in advancing its own agenda. In essence, NASA is part of the Washington D.C. culture where you do what I say and not what I want; err, do what I want and not what I say…. Promote me, promote me, promote me. That’s it. Make me (whomever the “me” is), and make me look good to the people.

That’s what G.W. is doing. He’s trying to leave a pretty legacy behind him when, in reality, he will be remembered as this generations Nixon or Brutus or Benedict Arnold or something. He’s not going to have a positive legacy; though when all is said and done, we may hear that his daddy was the puppet-master. But that is conspiracy. No proof. No pudding. In essence, I’ve just suggested something I made up. Though, I’d imagine, I’m not the first.

Anyway, I think if we are going to go back to the moon it should be a much nicer vehicle. Something that looks modern as well as is modern rather than something that looks like it came out of the 60’s but is crammed with solid state electronic devices that require less power and less space. Esthetically, I would be interested in seeing a move in that direction. I’m just saying.

John Hattaway | Denny Crane

I have to be completely candid here: I think that openly masticating chewing gum (or food) is absolutely disgusting. It puts me off gum. It puts me off eating. And since I already have issues with food (and I am not merely talking about Celiac Disease), it causes some levels of consternation in my life as I consider other people playing the part of the friendly bovine and openly, awkwardly, and disgustingly masticating chewing gum. This is a personal problem.

However, consider. I am sitting in the Periodicals section of the Harold B. Lee Library on BYU campus. I sit here on occasion to work as it is a SHHH!!! zone. Which means, people talk, you can (allegedly politely) tell them to SHUT-UP! It’s quiet, though crowded, in part because of the windows that face a greed hill below the administration building that, during the warmer months of the year, is actually very nice to sit and stare at. It has caused me much lovely distraction on days when I should’ve been doing something else.

So, sitting in the library. Sat down at a table with another guy. Have, in my line of sight guy I share table with and some girl. Girl is attractive. Tall. Dark hair. Both are masticating chewing gum. Both are doing the other thing I hate which is popping bubble. It is disgusting, loud, and obnoxious. I think, if polled, a majority of people would say two things:

1. Openly masticating gum, and/or, loudly popping gum bubbles is disgusting.

2. They have, in the past, openly masticated gum and popped gum bubbles in public places.

That’s significant. However, that’s not really what I am venting about. So, I am disgusted. I will eat tonight, but I won’t enjoy it. That can be said for most nights, but because of what I am witnessing I really won’t enjoy it. On the flip side: girl in line-of-sight really has me checking out what she is going to do next.

Had a class where I was paired up with an attractive girl. The girl wants to act. She’s recently told me (we are no longer in the class) that acting is her only goal in life. My assessment of her can be stated: She will get somewhere because she is attractive.

Add: And no further.

There is a lot implied there. Watching someone masticate gum makes me want to say, “You realize you are proving the law of diminishing returns when it comes to your opportunities in life simply by doing something that is inherently disgusting.” And yet, I can’t look away. I guess it doesn’t help that we are heading toward the end of the semester and the library is somewhat busy with people who are pretending to be serious about their studies. That was unfair, they are probably serious about their studies. I try to be. But the point in order is that people are unaware of what their actions do around them.

Consider: I am an interviewing manager (I’ve done this before). I walk into lobby of business I work for and call back the first interview. As I do so I notice that two or three other people are waiting to be interviewed as the time commitment and process requires me to schedule them close together. I observe the people, glance to see who stands out, see person smacking gum, masticating openly, popping gum bubbles. I am immediately turned off, and in back of head a negative mark is assessed for individual. Later in interview said individual is already behind other candidates because, in process, he/she/it/they/them/their did not think about their appearance the entire time and, as a result, when narrowing candidate pool down to one to three others to bring back for second interview, unless he/she/it was absolutely stellar, they are not called back and resume goes into the six month file to be shredded and discarded at some future date.

I am wearing a shirt that has been described as a little tight. I don’t, exactly, have the physique to pull off a super-tight t-shirt; on top of which, I also wear religious garments under my clothes which means anything I choose cannot accentuate what is under my out clothing. The result is that, yes, I wear a t-shirt that is designed to be a bit more form fitting; I know that I am not a large person; I know that it is a comfortable shirt to wear; and I know that I am not trying (well, this isn’t entirely true anymore) to impress anyone. The result is that I am not as concerned with my appearance as I can be (or should be) with the result that if I were thinking of stopping off at some local company to interview in the garb I am currently wearing, I would not expect to be taken seriously or offered a job… well, I do carry a lot of years of experience and have acquired an impressive resume, but that really isn’t the point, now is it?

The point is that appearance does count for something. The girl is attractive. The guy I am sharing a table with… err, I believe someone, maybe lots of someone’s, definitely his mother, finds him attractive. He is not aesthetically unpleasing to the eye; however, his doing what the attractive girl is doing actually causes me to want to take him less seriously than I would the attractive girl; and the attractive girl less so, than, say, a cow chewing cud. Sure, she’s line-of-sight and as a result I get to see things I am not certain I am too enthused to be seeing, but at the same time I am thinking, “Start now.”

Start now to define the presence you want to portray to people. What you choose to do speaks to what you choose to become. If you want to be taken seriously you have to take yourself seriously. That doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy a good piece of gum; it does mean you can’t enjoy a good piece of gum by showing the world that you really know how to work it in your mouth. Leave the mouth Olympics to your playmate… err, significant other… okay, try and forget that I wrote that and move on, and present yourself as you would ultimately expect other people to purport themselves around you. If you lack in the looks department, realize that adding nuances like openly masticating gum is not a plus. It is a negative. A negative. A negative.

You are going to be judged by what you do regardless of whether or not it is fair.

John Hattaway | Denny Crane

It is Monday. The start of a new work and school week. Can’t say that I did a whole lot over the weekend, which may, or may not, be a good thing. However, I can say that today starts a new week for me and with the new week a new focus on things that need to get done.

We have Philosophy class where I am pretty certain I did not turn in an assignment and need to do so. We have Advanced Writing where I am pretty certain I need to sit down and write a proposal. We have Physics, which is a constant pain. And we have Folklore and Book of Mormon which requires me to maintain those classes in order to get the kinds of grades I desire/wish for. Pretty much a full week.

To top all that off, took the parentals to the MTC (missionary training center) this morning and was told they weren’t going to have a family farewell meeting so James and I had to leave them in the lobby as they wandered to the back. Dad became, in a matter of seconds, Elder Hattaway and Mom became (in the same amount of time) Sister Hattaway. I realize that some people who read (off and on) this website aren’t LDS and may not be able to relate, but the outcome is that I am REALLY happy and VERY excited for their new adventure. Can’t wait to here how things are progressing for them.

Pretty much made Friday night and last night really late nights as I was partially occupied with someone else. That was fun. It makes for a nice change-up to the way my life has been going.

I’ve given up on any chance of getting the internship I wanted and have decided (for some very personal reasons) to stay in Provo next semester and see how the winds blow. I was planning to move to Salt Lake (I think I’ve shared that) and am now planning on finding a place to live down here… and a job. Need a place to live and a job as I won’t be working for the boss-man after the end of the semester.

Have a load of stuff to do for him. Mostly busy work, but a load still. Beyond that, think life is pretty good. It’s an adventure. Well, adventure might be pushing the envelope a little, but it is definitely worth exploring and experimenting with.

Drove up to Midway last night. Found my way to The Homestead. Walked inside The Crater. And noticed that they’d made some changes to the dock and, from what you can see at the surface, the diving inside. Not as warm, inside, as I recall, but then, it is open (roof-wise) to the sky and so… heat escapes. I think I need to go scube diving again and that is as good a place as any. Now I just need to get someone to certify that wants to dive with me and my life might be a little more complete. Not that it has ever been incomplete… just more complete.

Anyway, I think things are good. Not really sure. But, hey, you know, life could be a lot worse. And so, if it’s not worse its better (using a moving metric to determine worse/better) and I am in it.

John Hattaway | Denny Crane