I’ve now arrived in Salt Lake City, been to the interview, which was a formality, and am now at number 4′s house working on his Apple Powerbook computer. The powerbook is interesting. Don’t know if this is something I’d want or not, but I am open to new things, new ideas, and new computers… not that number 4 has this one up for sale. I doubt that he does; I am just interested in these computers and at about this size, too.

Number 8 is back at home and back at work mowing fields of … something or other, and probably not liking it very much. He’s been with me for the better part of a week and now I have no sidekick. Admittedly, it’s nice and kinda weird all at the same time. We did hit New York City (and got lost) and then changed our plans to take a more southerly route across the U.S. to get here. We stayed in a number of hotels and motels across the country and, as I get around to it, I will be sharing the experiences that brought me from New Hampshire to Colorado and back to Utah. I do have to admit that a lot has changed since I left last year, and according to dad, I’ve put on weight and it looks good on me.

I do know that girls react to me differently, and have over the past six to nine months, than they ever have before; but, at the same time, I don’t think I understand where we’re getting at with the notion of me putting on weight and it looking good on me. I still see the same old face in the mirror whenever I look, but I look everyday and that may be a part of the problem.

Before leaving New Hampshire, I did order some books, two to be sent to the house there and one to be sent to Cortez. Only one of the three books showed up when and where it was supposed to. I am still waiting on a Linguistics book and a collection of American short stories… the American Short Stories wasn’t even shipped until the day after I left New Hampshire and this whole affair can get pretty weird since these books are all for some classes I am taking.

I’ve also been working on a short story that I was hoping to finish between N.H. and Utah and didn’t really get to work on. Maybe, over the next several days, I will get back to working on that and get it done so I can have someone read it and then ship it off to the hinterlands of short story publications. This is probably the best thing I’ve written in a while and I am excited and scared to think about how it will be recieved once it’s in the hands of someone paid to critique new writing.

Beyond all of that, I am kinda of mentally tired, physically spent, and ready for something else. I will do schoolwork tomorrow, and I will make calls on apartments and other things soon. I am, more than anything else, just glad that number 4 and family are allowing me to hang with them for a few days until I can find a place to hang my hat, head, and books.

Okay. I am sitting in Cortez, CO and have been for about a day now. Got up this morning and helped my dad put in a line so he can dig his riser lines for the irrigation system. If it sounds like I understand what any of this means you’d be wrong.

I’m heading to Salt Lake City tomorrow. Hopefully I will still have an interview because I spent the day working for my dad and then it got dark and late and I am tired.

Tomorrow, there will be more.

Okay, here’s the scoop. Mostly because I am in a small hurry, and partially because I don’t know whether or not I will have the time to do this before I leave tomorrow morning, I am updating before I leave.

My closet is now empty. Most of my belongings are now in piles on the floor in the front room, there are still two or so boxes in my room and I need to strip the bed and wash the blanket and sheets so that I can pack them. I’ve eliminated most of my belongings or shipped them west, and I believe I am almost physically ready for this trip.

As far as I know, number 8 is waiting in Phoenix for his flight to Boston, as I write this, and should be boarding his plane within the next forty minutes or so. Spoke to him this morning and he seemed ready to head in this general direction. Other than that, things appear to be progressing nicely. I’m worried and a little stressed, but the body is reacting differently than it did yesterday and that can ONLY be a good thing. Yesterday I was pretty ill. It was nasty. I came home, slipped into bed at about five p.m. and woke up around nine this morning. Still not up to speed, but I am feeling much better than I was yesterday.

As long as everything goes well, I should be on my way tomorrow morning, first thing and early, and heading down to New York City. We’ll head west from there.

I?ve been a little remiss in writing this weekend. It?s not that I haven?t thought about updating the website. Every time I turned and looked at my computer while engaged in other things I thought about it. Yet, I sat there and did a bunch of other things and didn?t update ? I didn?t work on the short story I?ve been writing for a few weeks either.

There was a time, in my life, when I felt that short stories were things that could be written and dispatched in a matter of minutes or hours and not something that would take hours and days, weeks even, to create. And yet, here I?ve been working on this same short piece for a couple (or a few) weeks and the outcome is that I need to sit down and finish it. You always have to finish what you?re working on.

My problem is twofold. First, I need to finish it ? that?s not as hard as it sounds, not as easy either. Second, I need to find a critical reader to review it for me and let me know what they think. The person I?d thought to use for this, I am feeling isn?t a good choice. Call it growing up or changing my opinion about people and their abilities; but, well, I feel I?ve grown beyond my previous choices.

I need a reader who can be highly critical of my writing and I don?t have one.

One week to go.

This seems surreal: more than real, less than real, outside of reality. This seems like I am living in some kind of dream and everything around me is progressing normally and I am not. I?m not progressing normally. And yet, I would run to Utah if it would make this move happen faster.

Last year I couldn?t wait to leave. My leaving was supposed to be permanent and when I got out here I began, slowly, to make a life for myself. Granted, things haven?t been happening quickly, and the jobs I was hoping for didn?t come; but I was hoping to make my life out here, in the east, and not head back to Utah within a year, two years, a lifetime. Utah was supposed to be about weddings and funerals and family reunions. All of those things I enjoy so much and avoid even more. Now I?m going back. I can feel the tension associated with going back.

I get home from work at night and I?m tired and can?t get to sleep so I read and I watch movies and other things and then, way too late, I go to sleep and wake up before my alarm goes off. Some mornings I can lie there and pray for sleep to return ? and it does; while other mornings, like this one, sleep is gone, I?m still tired, and nothing I do is going the change any of that. I?d think that the act of moving would have a different affect on me and yet, I?m turning into a wreck.

What?s holding me here? What?s drawing me west?

I don?t have answers to either question. Sure, BYU; sure, family; sure, this overriding feeling of need; sure, work; sure, this; sure, that. There are a lot of possibilities, but the truth is that possibilities do not immediately suggest answers and, at this point, I?m looking for answers. I want and need them.

Once again I get to step out into the darkness to find the light. That?s what this move feels like to me, a step into the darkness to find out where I will end up or what I am supposed to be doing. Things can be more frustrating, I don?t exactly see how.

It?s the week of way to many hours. It?s the week where I scheduled myself to work way to many hours. It?s the week where I was thinking, the previous week, ?I just spent over $500.00 on my car and I need the money so I should work as much overtime as I can next week.? It?s the week where I am more tired today than I was yesterday, and more tired yesterday than I was the day before, and more tired the day before than I was on Monday ? I am always exhausted on Monday mornings.

Yet, I am working this insane overtime because in a week from tomorrow I get in my car and put-put across the country from New England to New Utah via New York, New Chicago, and New Dolores. Most of those places don?t really have ?New? in the name, but I figured I?d add it anyway. We?ll call that poetic license even though I feel that poetry is one of the lowest forms of writing. Well, I might feel that way, but you won?t be able to pin me down one way or another on that. I did read a girls poetry, about nine months ago, and it wasn?t that good, but she thought it was the cat?s meow and I just smiled and realized that I had to come out of editor mode to comment on her poetry. The poetry sounded like it was written by an angst-ridden high school student recently dumped by her first boyfriend. The poetry was written by an angst-ridden high school student that was just dumped by her first boyfriend and this girl hadn?t been in high school in years. Her poetry was old and not very good. I didn?t tell her that.

In lieu of my leaving next week I went to RandMcNally.com and proceeded to create a trip plan from Pembroke (pronounced pěm-brook) to New York City (pronounced Man-Hat-Ten) to Chicago (pronounced U-G-Lee) to Lincoln (pronounced ?Corn, corn, corn. Ain?t nothin? but corn,?) to Denver (pronounced?) to Dolores to Salt Lake City. If all goes well, and it will go well, I will be to SLC by September 14th or 15th. Rand McNally makes Mapquest.com look like child?s play. You can plan a trip on RandMcNally.com.

I saved it too. Cost me nothing. I have directions that even Number 8 can follow. Kinda exciting. Andy got directions from AAA and they basically went to Mapquest and printed off the generic directions there. Cost him a AAA membership. The memberships a good idea, the directions weren?t. We ended up creating our own. At the time we had two little girls (1 and 2) that needed to stop a lot. There were a lot of atomic diapers and meltdowns. Man, those were the days. Just the other day those same girls road all over with me in the back of my car and were excited to throw rocks into a river. I didn?t know that the most exciting thing for little girls was throwing large rocks into a big river. The only person I have to worry about melting down on me is Number 8 and I don?t think he?ll do that? I?ve been known to be wrong every once in a while.