I took Andy, Debbie and the girls to the airport last Friday. On the one hand its nice to not have to deal with the shrieking and screaming of two little girls, on the other I’ve discovered that I don’t like being alone. Being alone is no longer very comfortable to me. This is new, maybe it is a surprise, probably not but maybe, and sitting around has only caused me to consider the cosmos a little more of late.
Considering the cosmos is really not a good thing. I mentally head off to a place that most people don’t understand and cannot relate to. I start to ask questions and pose problems that sometimes may broach on anti-religious, anti-social, and anti-everything else. There are a lot of other indicators of my slipping into cosmos mode, but they aren’t important.
Anyway, spent Saturday working on a new idea that is directly connected to a vein of thought that has been a recurring dream for years now and got some good pages written, I think. I opened up a couple of other writing projects and didn’t do much with any of them – though I did start a second draft on a science fiction short I’ve been working on for a while, thinking about, creating back story of, etc. Don’t know why there is a lot of work going into something so short, but here, I am planning on submitting some of these things for publication (read money) and the better it is the more likely it will be published.
There are a couple of other writing projects that I’ve spent time on. One of them, if I gave the working title would give to much of the story away, so let’s just say it’s speculative in an interesting direction. And the other stuff, single story right now, is for children. “You know, for children.”
About a year ago I was thinking about writing a series of stories based off of experiences and observations on my older sisters children. The idea wasn’t something I abandoned and it’s not something I’ve pursued either… until lately. Just remember that names have been changed to convict the guilty.
I also received the registration information for StandingWater Creations for the state of New Hampshire.
Sunday saw me awake about two hours before I needed to and at church about 40 minutes early. I like to get to church early. Got to give the opening prayer in sacrament meeting and finally received a calling – not that I’ve been in this branch very long. I was hoping to see the CES fireside and tried to find a place to watch it, but found out that this stake doesn’t show the firesides on the days they are broadcast, saving them for a break the fast get together later on. This was VERY frustrating.
I did get to spend a lot of time during the day contemplating my place in life. It gets frustrating to be 30 and single. Especially in a Mormon environment. My contemplation wasn’t directly related to my singleness, and it didn’t exactly stay away from the subject either. One of the biggest frustrations with this move has been that I am single, I just moved to New England from Utah, and I have not been on a date since two days before I moved out here – and that was a blind date with a girl that thought I was all peaches and cream and totally loved talking to me. During that meeting that I should never have let happen I realized I was going to be bored so I told a lot of stories. I made her laugh and kept her laughing. Guess there are reasons why some people, a lot of people, call me the life of the party. I don’t believe it, but then I live inside my own head.
Contemplations extended to other areas. You know, all of those important things. My weekend. What has been happening? Why me? Why now? Why here? Why. Why. Why. I can probably ask that question a million-million different ways and never get tired of doing it. Part of the problem with asking that question, though, is that if you ask it to much you start to sound like you are totally dependent and faithless. I believe that I have a right to ask and pursue answers, but at the same time I understand the need to show some measure of trust in the system.
By the time I was done I’d written pages in my journal, added some impressions I’d received during the day, wrote down some other stuff, and had some feelings in areas that get to sit on a shelf indefinitely because I’m not sure I like the feelings. Okay, it has nothing to do with liking or not and everything to do with my personal ability to accept what is going on. Needful to say, Boston isn’t out of the mix even though I am living and going to school in New Hampshire, I think I have found a small bit of direction toward a career (though this will undoubtedly change) and then there were feelings about things I may do someday that I thought were in my past rather than still in my future. Sit them all on a shelf, wait, pray, contemplate, go to the temple (not as easy out here as in Utah), and wait. In truth, a lot of things just get to happen before I may ever know.
Oh, and I finished ripping most of my CD’s. Now I have a series of classical music CD’s that need to be ripped, but I don’t recall where that CD case is so… it’s not imperative at present. And I would really like to start acquiring heavy beat, fast, dance music. Saw an ad on television the other night for some compilation CD’s and considered buying them… but not one second before I acquire the next expansion for Killer Bunnies with the Zodiac cards.
Because I received the registration certificate on Saturday I was able to go and finish setting up a business checking account. What this really means is that I have one more checking account I have to pay attention to.
When I got home from the bank the phone was ringing and it was Borders books. Borders actually broke the silence and interviewed me maybe a week ago and I had pretty much written them off as an employment possibility. Garth, the manager who did the initial interview, called to offer me a part-time position with that company. Because I need to be working somewhere at something I accepted the position. It will be a hybrid position between the cash registers and the café. I am a little tentative about this, but at the same time I need to be doing more so here it goes.
I did write a piece on one of the tellers. This lady was… uhm, stacked. When she walked past me I saw her headlights before I ever saw her. On top of that there was this hottie who stood right next to her and in the end (I got to wait for over an hour) I created a comparison between the two that seems like it belongs in some kind of a story. Truth told, I will probably save it and sit on it indefinitely.
Justin called last night to tell me he was sending me a paper he’d worked on. My opinions don’t matter, but I did rework large parts of it, sent him the process I use to write and the drafts and questions I asked to get to what I was working on, and he said he was going to call me but that hasn’t happened.
I did start to read, out loud, Much Ado About Nothing a Shakes piece that is due for my Lit class this week. Reading out loud, for me, doesn’t always denote getting what I am reading. Reading to myself is a lot faster and I get a lot more of it. But, the teacher likes to pick on me, I like to pick back, and he has me read when I am sitting there. Have to get used to Shakes and his writing because last week it was A Midsummer Nights Dream and we will go through Richard III, Hamlet, Julius Ceasar, and others. Two months doesn’t seem like enough time to go through Shakes.
Beyond all of that I am ready to find something… and I sorta know what that something is, but how to get to the something I don’t know.
John Hattaway | smokingpen | Alicia Grey | Clockwork Princess | Cassandra West
Real Heroes Fly